The pain of being drawn.

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eyes upon you. Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle or it will not stay near you." Psalm 32:8,9

Growing up I had a particular obsession and fascination with horses. Anyone reading this who has known me for longer than seven years or so will remember it well. Pictures of horses covered my bedroom walls, ripped from magazines, newspaper clippings, and old calendars. I took any chance I could to ride-- whether at friends' houses or camp, even if it was being led around a ring by one of the wranglers, or going on a trail ride where you do little more than sit because the horses know the route so well. I lived in the city, so owning a horse was out of the question and riding lessons were expensive, so I savored every chance I got to enjoy the animals I loved so much.

The years have watered down my intense interest and devotion to the equine species, but I still love to ride and think they are possibly one of God's most beautiful animals that he has created. There is something fascinating in the way they (in my own eyes) have been so clearly created to serve as companionship and transportation for the human race (only becoming less so in more recent centuries.) Perhaps, also, there is something about horse and rider that reminds me of myself.


Off the top of my head, I can think of at least 2-3 references in the Bible that speak of horses and the bits we place in their mouths to control them. As beautiful as horses are, and as useful the bit and bridle is to harness their power for our use, Psalm 32:9 commands we not be like them.


2 Kings 19:28 says, "Because you rage against me and because your insolence has reached my ears, I will put my hook in your nose and my bit in your mouth, and I will make you return by the way you came.’ " It is addressed to the evil King Sennacherib of Assyria at the time of writing, who was oppressing the Jewish people. God threatens to use brute force to make the evil king comply with the wishes that He had for his people. 


Psalm 32 says that God will "instruct and teach" us, which is a huge comfort to one like me who has trouble making decisions on her own (See "Prayer 'Overkill' "). He will "counsel [me] with [his] eyes upon [me]." What a comfort to know that God has his eye on me and wants to take me exactly where he wants me to go. However, there is a second part to this verse that reveals that there is a condition to his divine leadership, and this condition requires our compliance. "Be not like horse or a mule...which must be curbed with bit and bridle..." In order for Jesus to lead us, we must be in close proximity to him-- which would only make sense. How are you supposed to follow someone you cannot see nor hear because you are too far away? Not only that, I believe God deeply desires our nearness. Intimacy is cultivated in whispers and gentle, quiet words, not shouts across a room because the other person is too far away.
 
But what happens when we refuse to come near? What happens when we persist in our way and determine to make our own decisions and choices? I know what you do for a horse-- you put a harsher bit in it's mouth. Psalm 32:8-9 suggests to me that, perhaps, when we don't stay near, God bridles us to draw us nearer.
 
How often, when I have drifted in my intimacy with Jesus, when I have made an unwise decision, when my path is not as straight as I know he would want it to be and difficult circumstances come my way, is it actually Jesus attempting to pull me close? Hebrews 12:6 says "he disciplines those he loves." Does not a parent at times draw their child closer in order to punish them? The more difficult of my punishments as a child were probably the times one of my parents would look me straight in the eyes (even if I would not meet their own) and speak in a low voice about what I had done wrong and what I needed to change.
 
When I think of being "drawn" closer, the thoughts and images that come to mind are much more gentle and tender than those of a difficult horse being tugged at by the reins. I like to think of a father wrapping his strong arms around his daughter and whispering he loves her in her ear. 
 
Merriam-Webster defines draw as "to cause to move in a certain direction." Perhaps God, in his infinite love, power, sovereignty and wisdom chooses to place the "bit" in our mouths so that we return to him. Why does one put a halter and lead rope on a horse?-- to guide it. God knows us, he knows what is best. In our own stubbornness we forget that being close to him is the absolute best place to be. Being drawn is painful at times, I have concluded. However, better a little pain in this lifetime that ultimately draws me back to my Father than stumbling down the wrong path only to end my life far out of His reach where I can be drawn no longer. 


So somehow, the pain of being drawn ultimately increases our intimacy with Jesus