Un-justified.

Job 37:5, 19 "God thunders wondrously with His voice; he does great things that we cannot comprehend...teach us what we shall say to him; we cannot draw up our case because of darkness."

I usually feel justified in my emotion.

Very rarely do I feel passionately or strongly about something and realize that it might possibly be the wrong response. I always have a reason floating around in my mind somewhere, explaining to myself while it is right to feel the way I do.

Let me set the scene. Person A is offended by Person B (whether person B knows it or not). In A's mind, they have all the evidence against B -- giving every reason for A to feel upset, offended, or angry by B's actions. Until...

...That one annoying piece of the puzzle or equation that was previously overlooked suddenly comes to light. Now, everything about B's actions make sense. There is no more justification for A's response, and they are now left with embarrassment or sheepishness (or more annoyance that they were never in the right, after all).

In an honest evaluation about my humanness, I have probably been person "A" alot more often that I have been person "B." This especially holds true if I apply this to my relationship with God. 

I remember a year ago around this time, I was going through a  particularly rough season. There was a relationship in my life that was causing me a great deal of stress and I had poured out my heart to God a million times hoping for answers and telling him what I thought should be done about said relationship. At my vantage point, I thought I saw exactly what was going on, based on this, I also thought I had all the answers about how the problem should be solved. I was dealing with offense towards God for the way things were playing out and I was very unhappy, because the simple answers (in my mind) were not playing out.

After about a month of intense struggle, the situation was cleared up -- but -- only after I had admitted to God that I did not know best. Only after I submitted to God's sovereignty. Only after  I realized that God was trying to teach me some fairly big lessons. Only after I had the humility to realize that it was my character God was trying to work on.

And only now, over a year later, am I realizing the impact of the things that went on during that time. Only now am I beginning to realize what God was doing in my heart and life. And I probably still don't know the half of it.

I have come to this conclusion and it's time to make this confession to all of you: I cannot possibly comprehend all that God is doing in my life through the struggles and circumstances that I am currently facing. I can try to understand. I can rail against him to "fix" things. I can tell him what to do or where to go, but the truth is there is too much darkness surrounding us at times to see clearly. Only God Almighty sees the big picture.

Psalm 18:11 says "[God] made darkness his covering..." God is too much of a mystery for us to ever fully comprehend. I have no real "evidence" to bring against him because the evidence I feel I have was collected in a dark room. If I had access to the light switch (and I don't, only God does), I would see that the few things I know that led me to believe a certain thing about what God was doing was really, really wrong when compared to all I would have seen, had the "lights been on."

God, I am simple. You are great. My vision is much to clouded and nearsighted to make judgements about what you are doing in my life. Because of darkness, I will not draw up a case against you.

Control freak.

Psalm 84:3 "Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, at your altars, O Lord of hosts, my King and my God." 

There is something unnerving about a lack of control.

People like to toss around the term "control-freak." The definition I just discovered on the web says a control freak is "A person who feels an obsessive need to exercise control and to take command of any situation." We all know a few of these people in our lives. Perhaps it is a boss, or parent, or teacher, maybe even a friend. Maybe it's even yourself. 

But really. Who doesn't want control over their own circumstances and life? 

I take my own life into my hands everyday. I decide how my day will be spent, and who I will spend it with. I decide what I will wear, what I will eat, and even sometimes, who I will feed. I decide who I want to be friends with on Facebook, what music I want to listen to and where I will drive. I decide which emails I will reply to, which events I want to attend and whether I feel like playing with my dog or not. 

And then there are those things you can't control--things that would maybe be nice to have some control over...like who your family is-- or how they live their lives. I can't control the weather. I can't control how that other person views or feels about me. I can't control whether the college I would like to go to is closed for applications or not. I can't even control the fact that Christmas is very quickly approaching (though I should probably take some control over my Christmas shopping...:P). It's things like these, that prove myself, somewhere deep down, on a scale that might be very small but still there, nonetheless, a control freak.

Maybe, the true definition of "control freak" is someone who is uncomfortable with surrender; a person who has a hard time trusting.

 The biggest reoccurring theme in my walk with Christ is, hands down, "surrender." It's the first thing I had to face when I truly gave my life to Christ at 13. It's the thing I have had to deal with in every major decision in my life to this point. It is the thing that God is constantly prodding me to do. And while the process of surrender gets easier, it gets infinitely harder as God asks me to surrender bigger and bigger areas of my life-- areas that are intimately near and dear to my very human heart. Surrender is kind of terrifying, to be honest--what will God do with it when I give it to him???

And yet, the Psalmist writes in Psalm 27:6, "...I will offer in His tent sacrifices with shouts of joy." Wow. That's not the picture of my surrender--more like "sacrifices with weeping and gnashing of teeth."

What is it that could make someone live a life of surrender where they can be truly joyful to give to God the things that matter most? I think part of the answer is in Psalm 84:3-- there is safety in sacrifice.

The gospels speak of Jesus' care for the sparrows. Here in the Psalms, it says that the sparrows can find a safe place amidst the blood, gore and pain of sacrifice. The altar in the temple was not a particularly clean or "nice" place. It was bloody. It was messy. Something the way it feels when we give something close to our hearts over to God. And yet, if a little, insignificant bird can raise her young in safety on the altar, I'll bet that God will take good care of things I give over to him when I leave them on the same altar. Perhaps the shouts of joy in sacrifice spring from a heart that trusts and knows that God actually takes the best care of the things I give to Him. 

When I truly believe that sacrifice, as terrifying as it may "look" to leave my "stuff" on that bloody, scary-looking altar, is safe, suddenly the act of giving my entire life and all the intimate details over to God will become alot more joyful. 

And who doesn't want joy? 

My own handmade idol.

Psalms 135:15-18 "The idols of the nations are silver and gold, the work of human hands. They have mouths but do not speak; they have eyes, but do not see; they have ears but do not hear, nor is there any breath in their mouths. Those who make them will become like them, so do all who trust in them."

(First off, I just need to acknowledge the fact that it's been a really long time since I have written. Some of the reasons for this are good and others, not so much -- procrastination and laziness, anyone?)

I have always been a pretty "crafty" person. No, I don't devise devious plans and scheme on how to thwart and sabotage those around me. I mean crafty in the most childish sense of the word. Glue, construction paper, cardboard boxes, crayons and paint, sewing needles and thread. Being homeschooled through most of elementary and junior high, I had plenty of time on my hands to perfect my craftiness. I made houses for my Barbies, clothing for same said Barbies, I drew pictures and colored, I even remember once attempting to make a pair of sandals from cardboard tape and other things -- if there was ever need that my parents would not buy for me (a need in my childhood mind, at least) I would set to work to make my own! I am pretty sure that I thought I could make just about anything...I remember getting very creative on some of these occasions.

I have begun to wonder, now, if this is a mindset that has stuck with me: If you want something, take it. If you want something to happen, make it happen. Basically, since childhood, our culture has taught us to manipulate our circumstances in order to cater to ourselves. Anything is possible if you just believe. Ugh. Puke in my mouth. If that was true, my life would look a whole lot different than it does right now. I think I would be a lot more comfortable, a lot richer, and a lot closer to some of the the life goals that I have.

More like, "Anything is possible if you just [make] believe." The problem with this statement is, we forget that God is the Sovereign One who controls EVERYTHING.
 
When I was reading in Psalms this morning, and I came across the verse above, the phrase "the work of human hands" stood out to me. I began to think of my life and all the situations I have taken into my own hands at one point or another -- work, finances, relationships, family, etc., etc. I could probably make a really long list of the times I have manipulated circumstances, spent hours planning and daydreaming, or spent money unnecessarily to get myself closer to some goal -- good or bad. (Perhaps I am alot more "crafty" in the scheming sense of the word that I thought.) 

Suddenly, it occurred to me: The moment I take something -- whether it be a circumstance, desire or relationship -- into my own hands, it becomes an idol. Idols, in the literal sense, were handmade gods, fashioned by people who believed that there was power in man made figurines and statues. What, really, is the difference between that and something I have chosen to take out of God's hands and make for myself? When I begin to idolize something, it means I have placed it's importance above the most important thing of all-- which is God and his glory.  I may think, "Surely, God is the most important thing in my life and I have placed nothing above him." But, even if I have begun to worry I have started the process of "idolization." If I am worrying, I have chosen to believe that God is not "God-enough" to care for things-- in which case, the next logical thing would be to do things for myself.

I have made a number of idols in my lifetime. There are idols I am struggling with at this very moment. The problem with idols is that they appear to be so real. They have eyes, ears and mouths. They look inviting and warm. But the truth is, they are counterfeits! In our humanness, we create and manipulate and scheme only to make fools out of ourselves. Sometimes, I believe, God allows us to make these idols. We look at the results and praise ourselves for a job well-done -- sometimes we even praise God for the idols we ourselves have made, fooling ourselves that things must be from God because they appear to be good. Until things fall apart because they were a product of our own fallibleness and humanity. For once we have come to rely on the things our own hands, and not God's, have made, we become the useless ones because we have stifled God's power by taking it into our own hands. "Those who make them will become like them."

Early morning lessons in Hope.

Psalms 97:11 "Light is sown for the righteous, and joy for the upright in heart."

Proverbs 4:18 "But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until the full light of day."

Hope. Sunrise.

Two words that I am realizing are synonymous, of late.

Over the past year, I have (by force) become a morning person. Of course, the habit of remaining one who enjoys the quiet morning hours is up kept by, and only by, discipline.  Those of you who know me and know how much I love fast paced, exciting environments with lots of people (and loud people--I am one of those loud people) may be surprised to know, that, for myself, nothing, compares to the time I get to enjoy when it is completely quiet, silent, and there are few to no people around in the morning. Every extravert has their introverted side. This is mine.

Thanksgiving Monday, I made the effort to get up early to have one of these quiet times before I was going to leave with my family to go to a family gathering over an hour away. Though my tired head and eyes were screaming at me for the rest of the morning, I determined to drive a little ways out into the country just outside of town and catch the sunrise--something I have always wanted to do, but never really intentionally done.

I found this little driveway leading onto a field and I parked my car. Facing the east, I could see the treed horizon and the glow the sun, rising from behind a particularly prominent patch of trees in the distance. If I would have arrived there earlier than I had, I would have seen an incredible display of light and colour, before I saw the sun itself, but as it was, I was beginning to see the top quarter of the sun peeking out from his hiding place.

I was amazed at how quickly and slowly it rose all at the same time. When I stared directly at it, it seemed not to move at all. But when I would measure its height in the sky against the dark silhouette of the trees in front of it, I could visibly see it moving higher and higher. The higher it rose, the brighter the whole sky got.

On the flip side, I tried to watch the sunrise again this morning. Fail.

I could just barely make out where the sun was rising. If I did not know I was facing east, and if I had not been in the exact same spot that I had the previous morning, I would have had to wonder if the sun was even there--whether it was actually going to rise today or if it had remained stuck in a different hemisphere. All I could just see a strip of pink colour in the sky, and for a brief few minutes I could see a bright orange haze shine through the dense cloud cover before disappearing again.

*Sigh* Jesus gives the best object lessons.

Hope is my catchphrase (though it's just a single word, I know) of late, and perhaps it's because I am going through a stretching season and perhaps it's because our church has been going through a sermon series on the same topic. Regardless, the sunrise has taught me much about this thing.

Hope is the light you know is there, and a times can see growing brighter if you compare it to the surrounding darkness, but seems to remain static if all you focus on is the light itself. Staring at one light too long can cause one to lose their focus and even become blinded because they have no grasp of their other surroundings. How often have I tried so hard to focus on the good things, when truth be told, there isn't a whole lot of good going on? But if Christ is my Hope and I compare his goodness to the bad in my life, things look a whole lot better. Light and hope are most easily seen in darkness.

Hope is also that faint strip of pink in the sky or the momentary bright light that shines from behind the clouds. Hope is the sun we know is there but cannot always see through the clouds. However, we trust it's there cause it's always there. 

One more thing that I found incredibly interesting. As the sun rose this morning, I could not see the sun itself rising, but I knew it was because other parts of the sky where becoming brighter and brighter. When I looked in my rear-view mirror, I could even seen hints of blue sky!

I sensed Jesus  saying, "Don't be so intent on finding 'sunshine' one area of the horizon that you miss the blue sky and sunlight behind you." Sometimes I believe our searched for hope become misdirected or misguided because we are looking so hard for that one thing that will make everything "better." However,what if, behind that patch of darkness is actually the thing that's bring light and hope into other areas of life or further down the road? In that case, do I waste my time focusing on the darkness, or turn my attention to the light dawning behind me?

Let us also remember: the verse above are promises for the righteous.

An allegorical story: The Woman in White

A woman dressed in white sits patiently upon a solitary chair in the foyer of an empty house. Her face is aglow and a smile graces her lovely features. She is the epitome of radiance and one looking at her cannot help but wonder what she is smiling about.

Every so often she glances at the clock, set within the expanse of a white wall-- she appears to be waiting for something. She looks down at her lap. Encircling her ring finger on her left hand sit’s a glorious diamond, gleaming and casting small reflections of light against the wall. She is engaged, promised to a life-long marriage, and if the smile on her face indicates anything, he must be a special man.

Time continues to pass and gradually, the woman appears to be getting more and more anxious. Slowly, the smile takes up less room on her face and she is playing with the solitaire on her hand. The reason for her impatience is that she is waiting for the arrival of her beloved. He promised he would come get her one day soon and they would live together forever in perfect love. Still, she is still waiting because he has not yet arrived.

The bride-to-be stands up from her chair and begins to pace-- slowly at first, then with increasing irritation in her footfall. Her steps bring her to the window where she stares out to the street, hoping she might see her groom-to-be making his way to get her. There is no sign or him.

The woman in white considers going back to her chair and sitting. He had promised he would come, why should she doubt? Yet, impatience getting the better of her, she continues to look out onto the street, hoping and praying her lover would soon round the corner.

Minutes pass and still there is no sign of the man she so desperately wants to be with. The woman is about to burst into a fit of tears when, suddenly, she sees a form sauntering down the road towards her house. A joy begins to rise within her chest, but it quickly is smothered when she realizes it is not the one she is waiting for.

However, the figure, who she realizes is a man, continues to her front door and softly knock. It is an inviting knock, baiting her to answer the door. Confusion fills her heart and she wonders what this stranger could want. The knocking continues and the words of her promised come to her memory. Words warning against the danger of answering the door for anyone but him.

Yet, she is lonely and impatient. What harm could there be to simply open the door to see what the visitor wants? He would soon be on his way with no harm done.

So, ignoring the warning that was playing over and over again in her heart, the woman goes to the door and sets a delicate hand on the knob. She opens the door, just a couple inches at first, then wider to set her eyes upon the visitor outside.

A handsome man stands on the front steps. He is darkly attractive-- though not at all the same type of attractiveness that her lover carried. His is a more sinister allure, not the purity or perfection she should be back on her chair waiting for.

The stranger smiles smoothly, asking to be let in. The warning in her heart is beating more intensely than ever now and she instinctively knows the man should be left outside in the night. Despite this though, she opens her door wider and steps aside as she allows him in. What harm could come from innocent conversation while she waited?
She should have known there would be harm.

The stranger’s charm, good looks, smooth words and seemingly good intent are soon the undoing of her as she allows the “short visit” to rob her of all purity she had been saving for the one who was coming to get her. And as the man leaves, she lies on the floor, tears streaming down makeup-stained cheeks onto a soiled dress that was no longer white. Her radiance left her the moment she allowed herself to open the front door.

She knew better. She should have never let the man in. The woman wanted to blame her condition on the one who, in her mind, should have been there hours ago. Yet, she knew all the blame laid with her. Only she is responsible for allowing herself to be in her state, a crumpled sight in soiled white, laying on the floor next to the chair she should have stayed sitting in.

The time begins to blur as she lays weak and distressed--- so much so, that she doesn’t notice when the front door opens once again and in He walks. The one who should have been there to prevent her shame.

As she opens her eyes, she finds herself staring into the face of her beloved. Embarrassment envelopes her being as she sees intense hurt, betrayal and pain flash across his face as he realizes what has happened. The woman turns her face away and braces herself for what surely will be accusations from the mouth of her hurt lover.

She braces herself for nothing, though, for while her face is turned and she wallows in her great humiliation, she misses the incredible change of His facial expressions. She misses the insurmountable love, compassion, and total acceptance that comes over his features as does a veil. She barely notices as the man picks up and holds her tightly.

As he does, something incredible happens. While dwelling in his arms, while absorbing his unconditional loving kindness, she is physically transformed. Suddenly, her dress is once again white and her body is whole and well. The love of her husband-to-be has completely renewed her and as she comes to, her mind is wiped clean of all previous memories.
She is everything a bride should be once again.

She is helped to her feet, all the while her eyes consumed by the face of her lover. Then, in complete love and appreciation for each other, they walk hand-in-hand towards the door and towards a new future. As the door is opened for the final time, they are greeted by the light of a brand new day.

"I just wanna be a sheep..."

"Know that the Lord, He is God! It is He who made us, and we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture." Psalm 100:3

There was a song I used to sing in Sunday School once upon a time:

"I just wanna be a sheep, baa, baa, I just wanna be a sheep, baa baa baa baa..."

I know. I, just as you in this moment, am silently thanking God that I no longer have to sing songs where I have to recreate farm animal noises when I go to Church. However, in all seriousness, this song actually conveys (in very childish form) a fairly significant spiritual truth. "We are His people, and the sheep of his pasture..." 

'Tis a shame that sheep are so stupid.

I will readily admit that I have a few literary "crushes" on great men of the faith who wrote very eloquent, touching, provoking, and at times, convicting, words to followers of Christ that I thoroughly enjoy and learn from today. Some of these men include, C.S. Lewis, A.W. Tozer and Oswald Chambers. Mr. Chambers has a devotional book entitled, My Outmost for His Highest. I have been working through it for the past year and so often, it puts into words things that I am already processing in my mind. The other day was one of those times. Chambers writes:

We have the idea that we ought to shield ourselves from some of the things God brings around us. May it never be! It is God who engineers our circumstances, and whatever they may be we must see that we face them while continually abiding with Him...

I think, perhaps, I have mentioned this in a previous post, but I have a pastor who used the term "tortured soul" to refer to someone who was always stressing about "whether they were in God's will or not"-- in this case, namely, myself. I will attest to the fact that I often wonder if my life is lining up with God's plan for me, or if I have strayed far off the path--like a stupid sheep. It's my tendency to look around myself at difficult, uncomfortable or unfamiliar circumstances and make the  immediate assumption that "something must be wrong because this doesn't feel right."

I am much too reliant on my feelings.

Do I have such a small view of God that I can't seem to believe that perhaps of this strange or difficult or uncomfortable circumstances around me could actually be this He led me into for the very purpose that I would learn something I could not otherwise?

If I am truly a "sheep" in Jesus' pasture, and if Jesus is truly the Good Shepherd (John 10:11), does this not mean that He is leading me from pasture to pasture (Psalm 23)? Perhaps, the pasture you or I are in looks different or strange or uncomfortable when, in reality, the water supply is more abundant or cleaner and the grass is not as used up as it was in yesterday's pasture. The sheep don't understand the Shepherd's reasoning for the pasture change, nor do they need to. Their job is to follow His leading.

There is something the Shepherd wants for me to get out of being here in this particular spot. If I am trusting God to engineer my circumstances, I need to trust Him and stopping kicking and fighting when He does.

And what about our tendency as "sheep" to wander while we "graze"? As sovereign-ly as God leads our lives (and I need to learn to trust that He is Sovereign), when we follow our natural instincts, desires and hungers--even good ones--we can stray away quite easily just as simply as a sheep who gets distracted from the flock and shepherd cause he was following a patch of grass that led him away. And yet, I need to realize that if I truly am submitted and desiring to do God's will, He, as the Good Shepherd, will not let me wander very far before He calls me back or goes out to physically carry me back (Luke 15).

So, about all these strange life circumstances I am in--which may be good, but new and uncomfortable--am I going to trust that Jesus led me here for a reason? Will I refuse to skip the character growth that I am supposed to learn in this chapter of my life? Will I choose to abide with the Good Shepherd right here in this strange, yet good, pasture until he chooses to lead me somewhere else?

Between a rock and a hard place.

Psalm 81:16 "But he would feed you with the finest of the wheat, and with honey from the rock I would satisfy you."

"Between a rock and a hard place."
A cliche to describe a difficult situation in which, any decision one makes brings along with it some sort of discomfort or struggle. 

I would just call it a desert. A season, where, with every step, barrenness, solitude, and that awful dry feeling in your eyes and mouth seems to never end. Whether it's a literal desert or one of the heart and mind it leaves that same dry feeling. And sometimes, these deserts are surrounded by high, immovable, walls of rock.

Caught right between a rock and a hard place.
 
Not too long ago I had an interesting conversation. It was with a dear friend of mine and somehow the topic of difficult life seasons came up. She told me that she had decided that the best year of her life, to date, is also that same year of her life that we have discussed on many occasions as her most difficult year yet. As we talked, I also began to realize that when I look back over my (yes, granted, relatively short) life, the times I was in the most emotional agony and frustration with God where also some of the best times when I remember the intense honesty of my prayers and the very clear ways that God came and spoke to me.

There are times when I feel completely smothered and claustrophobic because of life. These decisions needed to be made yesterday already, that relationship needs reconciliation, this job or schooling is stressing me out, that ministry is in desperate need of God to intervene, this person needs a relationship with Jesus, that person is driving you crazy...and on and on and on. (It's especially fun when all these things are taking place at once). When I begin to feel that everything in my life has built it's own little fortress around me and I can't even live, eat or sleep without my mind being in a constant state of processing--that's a rock and a hard place. Perhaps we should call it a life "cave."

The interesting thing is about caves, is that they provide the best atmosphere for echos. Sound travels and bounces exceedingly well off the hard surface of stone. I was in a cave once (listening to a monastic choir in France, in fact) and the acoustics were incredible. Though just a few men sang, it sounded like a full church choir!
 
Could this be part of the reason why God often speaks so clearly to us in these spaces?

But remember, caves also cause echos. If all I am doing is constantly, constantly thinking and worrying and talking about my problems and concerns and heartaches all the time, I will never get the chance to "hear" about anything else. It's all going to keep bouncing off the walls of my "cave" and all I will hear is the endless echo of my thoughts and my feelings.

Until I finally shut up.

When I shut up and stand still, even though all around me is rock and granite that I cannot seem to penetrate and I am stiff from being boxed in by my uncertainties and questions, that is when God's voice can finally break into my thoughts, my frustrations, my fears and everything else. Finally, God's voice can be the one to resonate against the cold, stiff walls on either side. Somehow, despite my frustration and pain, his voice is the clearest I have ever heard it. 

I find it interesting that the verse in Psalm 81:16 says "honey from the rock." Honey doesn't come from rocks. We all know this. But could it be saying that Jesus wants to make something sweet from our hard place?

God once gave me a picture about a person who had many walls built all around them. These may have been walls placed there by life circumstances or their own choices, it doesn't really matter. But what God showed me next was powerful. In the picture, He caused the walls to come tumbling down, quite literally crushing the person inside. Graphic though this may be, he spoke to me powerfully: "Sometimes I need to completely break a person to be able to piece them back together again." It is sweet to be gently remade by Jesus. He is the Potter, we are the clay (Jeremiah 18:6).

Between a rock and a hard place, but oh so sweet when God has His way. How is God going to use the walls around you? Will he need to break you? Or will you stop to listen first?

To become a steady "i."

James 1:14 "And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

Those who have spent anytime of substantial time with me know I have a fascination with personality types. I like to watch people and guess their personality-- even complete strangers, which could place me into the category of either "creepy" or just plain observant. The personality test I am most familiar with is the DISC test. The letters represent the 4 main personalities as follows:

Dominance

Influence

Steadiness

Conscientiousness 

"What's your personality?" you may be asking me. Well, let me tell you. I am an I (influence) D (dominance). This means I am generally loud and outgoing, I love to talk in large groups, I am direct and sometimes say things too bluntly, I like accomplishing tasks and being in charge. (As you can see, there are some areas here that could very easily get me into trouble...especially the talking all the time and being in charge/control part...)

Perhaps the biggest woe of my personality type is that I am incredibly emotional (This would be the "I" in me). My heart gets thrown into everything. I jump into things with both feet--often too quickly. Combine this with my love for talking and you will see me in the midst of some pretty heated discussions fairly regularly. I tend to feel first and think later. I wouldn't be quick to call myself a steady individual.

I ended my August with two weeks at my church summer camp. The last week was a week for students just entering and just graduating from high school. I had never staffed at this particular week before, but I had heard rumors of it's tendency to be incredibly impacting and powerful. Going in, I was expecting huge emotional and spiritual highs for the campers-- even myself. However, I believe God has a revealed a new truth to me this summer, because camp took me by surprise. I didn't experience the incredible "high" of experiencing him in a chapel where everyone is weeping and on their knees in repentance. Neither did I feel that I learned something completely new about his character-- and yet, the whole week I felt a peace and steadiness that I had not felt in a long time. While I could be frustrated and say that I didn't meet God or learn from Him because I didn't get an emotional "high," that would be false, because I think God was showing me something else:

Spiritual maturity reveals itself in steadfastness.

The definition of steadfast:

steadfast, stedfast [ˈstɛdfəst -ˌfɑːst]adj

1. (esp of a person's gaze) fixed in intensity or direction; steady

2. unwavering or determined in purpose, loyalty, etc

Steadiness is probably one of the character traits that I most admire in people I know.I desire strongly to grow in it myself. While their intensity and focus is fixed, mine tends to change quite rapidly and without notice.

Now, there is something to be said for personalities and our differences within that. They are actually good! I am learning that my personality is exactly what God intended it to be (though we all need to learn maturity within our character traits). God wants passionate and zealous individuals just as much as he wants steady and level-headed people to balance them out. However, what I am beginning to learn here is that my spiritual walk should not necessarily mirror the same thing.

James 1:4 calls us to steadfastness. It's this steadiness that brings us to maturity "not lacking anything..." I want my gaze to be continually fixed upon Jesus. I want my goal to be to constantly build his kingdom. I don't want to go from spiritual high point to high point, but from new small truth to new small truth. I want the graph of my spiritual growth to be a steady climb...not something resembling an electrocardiogram. To be steady I am realizing that my heart and gaze must be set on one thing and one thing only: Jesus Christ-- not my feelings. My loyalty must be to my Savior-- not whether I cried in worship or confession. I cannot base my spiritual health or God's nearness on my emotions of the moment. Instead I must never stop pursuing Jesus. I must steadfastly choose to seek him out in every season--especially the ones where I feel nothing. 

Hello, my name is Jenn and I am often over-emotional. Thank Jesus my heart can become steady in him.

Tear drop seeds.

"Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him." Psalm 126:5-6

Hard to believe that summer is practically over. I knew that, for myself, once summer started and all the things that comes with it (camp, work, family, vacations, etc.) it would be over in the blink of an eye. And here we are, the farmers have been harvesting their fields for the last month and now when I look out over the prairies that I love so much, I see many of golden hay bales and tall stocks of corn that have yet to be harvested and turned into corn mazes. Most assuredly, fall has creeped up on us all.

This particular September(just a few days from now, in fact), I have the great honor and privilege of watching one of my greatest and dearest friends make the trip down the aisle to marry the man of her dreams. As one of the people who has watched this relationship evolve and develop at every step of the journey over the past year and a half, I am probably also one of the most excited people to see this marriage take place. Given all the times that I and this friend of mine have dreamed about this day, it's hard to believe that it is finally a reality!

But as with every relationship, theirs has had it's share of struggles and tears. Without getting into details and sharing a story that's not mine to share, I feel it's safe to say that the verse above very well describes my friend's situation during her time of uncertainty in her relationship. All the tears have turned into shouts of joy! (And knowing this particular guy that she is getting married to, there will more than likely be a few noisy, joyful outbursts!)

But what redeems painful, uncomfortable situations into one that turn into a season of joy? 

I have found that my tears are often selfish ones. Sometimes when I cry, it's out of a spirit that is questioning God's authority, sovereignty or divine wisdom. A mentor once asked the question of me, "When you face disappointment, are you comforting yourself on God's shoulder, or the devils?" While this may be an extreme comparison, I know it's been true for myself that my tears have been spiritual tantrums rather than a hurting child who goes to her father to cry in His arms. So, what's the difference?

The verses above specify a person who, though weeping, goes out with seeds for sowing. This hints to me that, even in our darkest and most painful moments, we can use the pain we are in productively, or uselessly, depending on our reaction to our circumstances.

If we use the example of my friend, her time of "going out weeping" was filled with waiting on and seeking after God. She did not give up on him, but instead, I believe that during that time, I saw her faith grow exponentially, as she relied on promises and strength found in Scripture. Even if her situation would have had an entirely different outcome and there was not a wedding happening this weekend, I know that she would be stronger, more godly and closer to Jesus than ever before because of how she used her testing time.

Her tears became "seeds" as she surrendered her pain to Jesus. And now the seeds she sowed during that time are turning to sheaves that she can carry back home with great joy!

However, our tears cannot become useful seeds unless we are giving our pain to Jesus, unless we are looking for every opportunity to allow Him to meet with us and speak to us and show us how to make the most of uncomfortable times. If He is not allowed to direct our pain and hurt and disappointment, the tears we cry will fall on dry, infertile ground and fail to produce a crop of joy.

Life is hard. I, for one, have more questions (most of the time) than answers. But I do know that Jesus has all the answers and He alone can turn my tears of pain into seeds that will grow into something that will bring glory to Him.

Exceptionally good wine.

Matthew 7:11 "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"

John 2:10 "...But you have kept the good wine until now!" 

I may not be an accomplished musician, but I love music.
On my iTunes, I have a playlist entitled, "Ultimate Favorites." Of course, over time, this playlist has grown and continues to grow. One that has been on this list for the past year or so is the song "Our God" by Chris Tomlin.

Oh, Mr. Tomlin, I am thankful that you allowed God to speak through when writing that song. I think it gives me shivers every time. What a powerful song about the greatness and goodness of God. Truely the theme song to my past year.

The song opens with this:

"Water You turned into wine
Open the eyes of the blind
There’s no one like You
None like You..."

The turning of the water to wine at the wedding at Cana was Jesus' earliest recorded miracle here on earth, found in the Gospel of John. In it, he attends a wedding with his mother and (horror of horrors in that day and culture) the wine has run low and is running out. Mary, knowing the Deity that her son actually is, states to him, "They have no wine." Though Jesus seems to tell her that it is not time for him to preform a miracle, Mary tells the servants, "Do whatever he tells you." I think this is a hint that Jesus was being told, not asked, yes? :)

Whether Mary was presumptuous in her "telling" or not, Jesus directs the servants to fill the huge stone jars (20-30 gallons each!) with water. After this is done, Jesus tells them to take a sample from the jars to the guy in charge. After tasting the wine, the "master of the feast" finds the groom and praises him: "Everyone serves the good wine first, and when people have drunk freely, then the poor wine. But you have kept the good until now."

Why this story, you ask? Let me tell you.

Last time I read this story, it it me: God doesn't do a half-hearted job. When he does something, He does it exceptionally well!

Think about it. The whole point of serving the bad wine last was that people in their inebriated states wouldn't even be able to taste the difference between the good stuff and the sub-par wine. And yet, though Jesus could have just turned the water to run of the mill, locally made wine, he chose to make wine that made a good impression on the feast master. Why? What was the point.

I believe Jesus was setting the standard for His ministry. I believe He was trying to tell us something. I believe He was saying something about His love for people.

Firstly, Jesus was showing that He gives good gifts to his children. I can only imagine how many time I have asked Jesus to do something, and perhaps (if I even believed he would do it), I expected he would maybe do the bare minimum. This story would negate that. Jesus was asked and he did more than asked for or imagined (see previous blog.)

Secondly, and this is a truth that God just showed to me as I was writing this, is that God does good things for people even when they don`t acknowledge or know the good gift was from Him.

It says in John 2:9, "...the master of the feast tasted the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew)..." I do not know if the fact ever registered with me that Jesus received no big recognition for this miracle. The only people who knew about this miracle were Mary, the servants and perhaps the disciples. Nobodies, really. None of the important wedding guests, not even the bride and groom. I think Jesus did this to show his power to a select group of people, but not select in the eyes of the world-- the normal, average joes, the servants who were at the bottom of household ranking.

Another thought to consider. Though Jesus turned the water into excellent wine, did the crowd even enjoy it? Or were they too "happy with wine" to notice something supernatural had just occurred?

Jesus gives good gifts. He reveals Himself to those who would not necessarily be at the top of the world's list of people to tell things to or preform things for. The humble.

Jesus, you do your job exceptionally well. You give gifts and blessings even while I am too wrapped up in myself to notice. If I ask for something, I shouldn't expect the very least from you, because you constantly and consistently do more than all I can ask for or imagine. You are good. Just like Chris Tomlin wrote in his song, "If our God is for us, who could ever stop us?" Thank you that you are for me.

Broken vessels.

"For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Matthew 9:13

Of the many things that I fill my time with, only a couple of those things provide an income. One of my "schedule-fillers" includes a job at a faith-based nursing home in a community near my hometown. In the female locker room, there is a lone recliner for our use on breaks and before and after shifts. Besides this recliner is a shelf with a book titled "God Uses 'Cracked' Pots." (Author unknown to me) This title makes me chuckle when I see it. I really have very little idea about what the book is about, but it does remind me of a truth God revealed to me about a year ago.

I have made the habit of reading over old journals of mine about every half year or so. Would you be very surprised that I write alot and have lots to read through? :P The last week or so has brought me to one of those journal reading times again. I love seeing the clear growth in my life over the past year. I don't really recognize the girl who wrote on my behalf a year ago. It's incredibly encouraging to see the inner workings God has done, even if they are simple things that other people may not recognize or know about-- such as how I recognize and interpret God's voice and words to me, or my maturity in handling situations that affect my heart deeply.

I especially love when I read a spiritual truth I discovered that I had forgotten about. Such was the case with a journal entry I found from August 24, 2010, a month short of a year ago. It was about my ponderings on the verse above, Matthew 9:13b. Here is what I believe God spoke to me:

"I don't want a bunch of vessels who are simply perfect pieces of art, I want cracked, scratched, broken vessels. They're the ones I know I can use. They realize their imperfections but they also realize it makes them more practical. And because of that, they are much more valuable to the Kingdom."

Picture a used clay jar versus a new one. Which one are you going to use for the heavy-duty, everyday chores? Will you use the used, worn, possibly slightly damaged, yet durable one? Or will you use the brilliantly painted, fragile one your grandmother proudly displays in her china hutch? I don't know about you, but I would be quick to use the old one. Not much thought there.

God is in the business of using used people. People who have cracks and stains, bumps and bruises, patched up and torn clothing, black eyes and swollen joints. He delights in the broken. The broken who know their own brokenness and look to him to redeem it.

In the Gospels (Matthew 23:27) God calls the Pharisee's "white washed tombs." Clean, neat, maybe even beautiful on the outside, but full of dead bones on the inside. Isn't that like so many people? Beautiful, put together and seemingly "more useful" people on the outside, but their character is poor and "dead" on the inside. Beautiful pots with little value for anything useful for God's kingdom.

As I blogged in a previous article, I have a problem with vulnerability, at times (though, recently I am learning!). When the cupboard is opened and the "jar" of my life is found sitting there, it is not prettily painted, unscathed or very delightful looking. It's got its fair share of cracks and wear marks. There are things about it that need to be sanded out or patched up. However, it seems God has choose to use it nonetheless. And the funny thing is, the more He uses me, the cracks do not get worse, nor do they disappear, but they are  "re-enforced." Same with the markings, the wear marks begin to look more like art than randomness.

Jesus came to call the sinners. Jesus came to use the broken. Jesus came to make me useful. Without him, I might appear a beautiful china vase, but would be entirely useless and easily broken.

God uses "cracked-pots." God uses broken people. This includes me.

The "Hoarders" edition.

"As long as we have some self-righteous idea that we can carry out our Lord's teaching, God will allow us to continue until we expose our own ignorance by stumbling over some obstacle in our way...The underlying foundation of Jesus Christ's kingdom is poverty, not possessions...The knowledge of our own poverty is what brings us to the proper place where Jesus Christ accomplishes His work." Oswald Chambers.

So, I don't watch alot of TV, but there is one program that I have watched in the past that really stuck out to me. You may have seen it. You may have seen previews or clips and been left cringing with a lingering sense of claustrophobia or horror-- the show I am referring to is "Hoarders." In one show it documents and peeks into the life of a compulsive "hoarder"-- one who has piled and basically boarded themselves into their own house because they are surrounded by so much disarray, stuff, junk, garbage or even material possessions that were purchased and never used. It's compulsive and the show sends people in to sort through their many possessions for them, often throwing things out and even getting psychologists involved (seems it's an actual disorder).

I am not going to lie, it was hard to watch at times. I, as someone who would lean more to the side of throwing out too much, cannot fathom how someone allows themselves to collect so much junk, how someone allows themselves to keep buying and accumulating, yet never using the stuff one has gained. It boggles my mind. When you can't even sleep in your own bed or find the kitchen stove because there is too much stuff in your home, it's safe to say there is a significant problem at hand.

The funny thing about these people who hoard is that they are surrounded by literally piles of material goods around them--many of these things being new or never used. They have many material possessions--more than myself. However, you could never convince me to call a person like that wealthy or rich. Nope. When I see a person surrounded by such mess and chaos, I am overcome with overwhelming sadness for the incredible poverty of heart that surely caused them to start hoarding in the first place. What type of a hole is someone trying to fill when they can't stop accumulating?

I have to wonder, are the spiritual states of our hearts any different at times?

I may only be in the early years of my second decade on this earth, but I have come to accumulate many things in the "home of my heart" in that short amount of time. I have many dreams, desires, hurts, memories--good and bad-- that occupy and take up residence there. Some of these things push me to become a more godly woman and some of these things I full well know are hindering my walk with God.

Chambers in his quote above is adamant that in order to receive anything from God we must come to a realization of our spiritual poverty. As reflecting on this earlier today, I started to realize all the areas of my life that I am entirely dependent on God's goodness. I am entirely at his mercy to provide what I need to function in any of the gifts I may have or to be the type of person that draws and leads others to him. I need God to "clear the hallways and rooms" of my heart in order to even come to a place where I can admit my dependance on him. Otherwise I could look around, see all my "stuff" and think I am quite ok doing things on my own.

This truth became very real to me in the last year when God related it to me this way: I was shown a picture of a little miniature treasure chest--small enough to hold against my heart with both hands. Inside this chest were all the things I hold dearest to me: dreams, aspirations, relationships, family, etc.  God showed me that by keeping the chest locked and firmly clasped in my hands, I was not allowing him to take out things he didn't want there. In fact, by holding so tightly to this thing, I was not even allowing him to upgrade many of the dreams I had close to me. 

We forget that when God takes away, he replaces the thing he took with something far better than we started with. We need to realize that the "stuff" we have may actually be just junk we have allowed to accumulate when God wants to come in, clear the floor and put in some nice new furniture and appliances. :)

Like Chambers writes, perhaps God may let things get to the point where we "stumble over some obstacle in our way" and realize that what we have is a gross counterfeit for the abundant and simple life that God longs and loves to bless his children with.

So, examining my own heart...what have I allowed to sit and clog the hallways of my heart? What am I refusing to see as junk and clutter? What does God want to take away so he can fill it with something better? Where can I acknowledge my poverty so God can fill me with his incredible riches?

More than I could ever ask or imagine.

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:14-21

So, It's been a while since I have written and I have a very good explanation for it. This last week I was helping lead and counsel a leadership development camp for high school students three hours north from the place I call home. While this blog's purpose is not to be a diary or journal, I feel this time I need to give you all a glimpse into the last week I experienced and what God showed me through it. (Plus it will be a chance for all the campers reading this to know what I really thought of the week-- da da dun... Hehe, just kidding!)

There's a word that became very powerful for me over the last week and it's a big reason I am writing about my week-- which many of you probably couldn't care less about-- over the World Wide Web. 

The word is vulnerability. 

Of course, it goes without saying that the things I share here are only a fraction of what went on inside my heart as some of it is simply too personal to share with just anyone and much of it would take more room and time to explain than is necessary to this blog's purpose. My intent is to give you a glimpse into what God is doing in my life and hopefully something from it encourages you.

I was thrown into this past week with very little notice and an even vaguer of what to expect. I was asked to participate by a couple that I did not know well and the people I would be counseling with I either did not know at all or was unsure about how our personalities would work together.

Arriving at camp and meeting as a leadership team (there were six of us: myself, Chris, Becki, Rena, Wayne and Steve) we got together to pray about the week ahead of us. In my own prayer time, God brought to mind the passage at the beginning of the blog. The title in the Bible was "A Prayer for Spiritual Endurance." Oh great...my first thought were that God was preparing me for a spiritually draining and physically exhausting week. Especially when the leaders I was praying with also seemed to agree that we would need perseverance.

What did jump out at me was the part where Paul writes that God will exceed our expectations to the same level that we allow him to work in our hearts. I had no idea just what type of an overhaul I was about to get in my inner person.

I am always amazed at the genuine love God gives to me in situations where I am to lead people I really have zero idea who they are or where they have come from. The kids we were working with this week (if one could even call them kids...they were all incredibly mature high school students) were an incredible delight to me. I definitely left the week feeling that I had left behind part of my family-- these young men and women became my little brothers and sisters in Christ in such a tangible way.

As I watched and observed them work through difficult tasks and team building exercises, their strengths and the incredible way in which they approached their tasks highlighted to me my own faults and areas that I needed to grow in. More than once I found myself thinking (and saying to the other leaders): "I am so glad I am not the one to be doing this." Now I realize that this was the beginning of God preparing the soil of my heart for growth as well!

As the team grew in unity (both within the leadership and the teens), I found it harder and harder to put up a bold front of perfection. 

I hate letting people see my weakness.

Each time I would say something I shouldn't, or each time my exhaustion peeked through in a sarcastic or unnecessary comment, I became increasingly aware of the fact that my stubbornness and independence were becoming a barrier to engaging wholeheartedly in my week's ministry.

So, through His Sovereignty and a series of events that are better left unsaid, God brought me to a place that I had to be completely and 100% vulnerable in a way that I was hoping would not happen. But when the strong facade was gone, what was left was a humbled, more free and more vulnerable Jennifer. I did not even realize the what God had done until I got home and saw these things begin to play themselves out in "real life."

Already before this point, God was doing things that blew me away with his goodness. After I opened up and allowed him to be the strong one and admit my weakness and inadequacy, I saw even more amazing things take place-- both in my heart and within the group. At one point one of the campers said that the group of students seemed to mirror what was going on in our small leadership team of six people. I told them, "Leadership lesson-- it all trickles down." Hah, if I would have learned that sooner (or applied what I knew), I can't help but wonder what I have kept other people I have led from just because I did not also open my heart to God's working hand?

"...Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

Vulnerability. A key to leadership and my key to seeing God's incredible hand this last week. Jesus, continue to work in me so I may see you work in others.

He stoops down.

"Jesus,
Here I am your favorite one
What are You thinking, what are You feeling?
I have to know
For I, I’m after Your heart
I'm after Your heart
I am after You
And I'll crown You with my love."
- Misty Edwards (Favorite One)

As a youngster I was a thoroughly "girly" girl. I loved pink and purple, playing dress-up and house. I experiemented in my mother's kitchen, exploring my domestic skill and created new "recipes" (none of which ever were or ever should be recreated!). I was the dutiful big sister and faithfully conscripted my younger sister (and brother) to play Barbies with me. I was a artist, author, playwrite, chef, "mom," explorer, mermaid, ranch owner, pioneer, scientist, teacher, bride, photographer-- anything my imagination would allow. I had (and still have) a very active imagination! But of all the personas I took on in my childhood play, the most important and magical of these was the princess.

I had the "benefit" of living with a mother whose tendancy was to throw things away very rarely. She kept alot of her old clothing and generally gave the stuff she no longer wore to us for dress-up rather than giving it to the local thrift store. This enabled me to dress in my mom's past finery to be the most beautiful make believe princess I could be. My siblings and I created wonderful "castles" out of  chairs, blankets, and anything our mom would let us use (or that we could get away with using before she caught us). My brother would often take on the role of the evil pirate or black knight out to kidnap the princess, while my sister would be the younger "princess."

At the moment I cannot remember if I ever roped my father into playing the role of "king," but most definately, in my heart, that is what he was to me, and what little girl, with a healthy relationship with her father, does not delight in being "his little princess"?

I was spending some time in our church's prayer room when the Misty Edwards some quoted above began to play. I paused to meditate on the music and lyrics and the line jumped out at me:

"I will crown you with my love..."

Does it ever happen to you that you realize that you have been listening to a certain song for ages, but suddenly at the least expected moment, you realize you never really listened to the lyrics? This is exactly what happened to me.

I began to think, "What does it even mean, to 'crown Christ with my love'?" At first my thoughts were of how infinately higher Christ is than us. He is God incarnate and I am human. I cannot physically reach God. Even the lifting of my hands in worship, while stretching to get as close to God as possible, really doesn't close the gap at all when one thinks about the incredible distance.

That's when I pictured something like this: A father playing "dress-up prince and princess" with his little girl. She is in a princess costume, and he is wearing his bathrobe because his daughter thought it make him look the most "like a real prince." She wears a plastic tiara and in her hands, she holds a paper crown she lovingly made for her father. There are no real jewels because they are drawn on. The lines are cut crookedly, the colours unrealistic and the crown is too small to actually fit properly on her father's head. And yet, he bends down on one knee before his little princess and she, while still yet needing a stool, reaches up and places the crown on her father's head.

Reminds me of Psalm 18:35, "...You stoop down to make me great..."

Is that not us? Do we not need Christ to stoop down before us in order to make even the smallest transaction of our love possible? And that's when I realized that "stooping down" is exactly what he did for us on the cross all those years ago. There was no way we could possibly reach him. Even Paul says that Jesus came because the Old Testament laws and rules were impossible to keep to their full extent without the help of the Holy Spirit. When Jesus came to earth to live and die as a man, he was stooping before us to make placing the crown of Lordship on his head possible.

What does my "crown" of love look like? Does my love make him king in my heart more than he already is? When I love him, do I give him more authority in my life? Does, perhaps, my crown look really good, but it was done out of duty rather than the love of someone who perhaps made a crown that looks like little more than a child's craft?

And even so, though Christ has stooped very low before us and made himself worlds more reachable, we still, at times, need a stepping stool to reach him. That stool is made possible by a firm foundation built in the quietness and consistency of intimacy and the teachability that makes the development of good character occur. Are you giving God space to build this stepping stool? I can tell you, if you are not spending time with Jesus, if your relationship with him is not a priorty, reaching up to crown the king with your "love" is going to be very difficult.

And isn't it something incredible that though Christ is legitamately a king, he allows us to place our shabby, childish and sometimes downright ugly hand crafted crowns on his royal head? He sees the time and effort put into such projects and labours of love. He sees the heart of the giver behind the gift. He stoops down to gaze very carefully and lovingly at our souls, even while we try to reach him.

What if we grew bigger gardens than them?

1 Peter 2:12 "Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation."

This summer, I have decidedly taken on a new hobby. It's on a very small scale, and still in the learning stages, but a hobby, none the less. It's flower gardening.

Now before you avid gardeners and botanists begin asking me about the types of flowers I am growing, what type of soil I have and what I use to fertilize it -- wait. I want to make sure I can actually keep them alive for the season first.

I have a tendency to look at people's gardens in awe and appreciation and think "I can do that." It seems acheiving the same effect of some more experienced gardeners in my own humble flower bed is much harder than expected. Not to mention, much more expensive than I anticipated. I think this is very much the same as when I, after much admiring the art of a friend of mine, assumed it would be easy to slap a bunch of acrylic paint on a canvas and have a beautiful work of art (She makes it look so easy!). However, what's found on my canvas' probably couldn't even be called art. Words come much easier for me.

At least my garden looks nice...even if, perhaps, I should have treated the soil differently before I began or planted somethings in slightly different spots.

As alluded to in my previous blog (See "Who's ever heard of a silent bride?"), this is somewhat of a continuation of my heart in the last one. And I have realized, in recent prayers for unsaved people I know, that salvation, evangelism and Christ's return have everything to do with gardening. In a purely allegorical sense, that is.

This last week, God gave me this illustration in my prayer time: Imagine a person, a non-believer, working hard in a garden with a hoe. They were making rows for seeds to be planted. However, with each swing into the ground, the hoe broke through a very thin layer of soil and clanged onto a concrete layer beneath the dirt. They continued this way before going and scattering the seeds in the rows.Then they stood back to watch their garden grow.
Next to them stands a believer, someone they know, doing the same thing. However, their hoe does not clang, but turns up the dirt, just as it should. They also sow thier seeds and stand back to watch the garden.
Over time, and very quickly, the believer's garden grows lush, tall and green, while the non-believer can barely see a shoot come up from the soil in their own.

There are many examples in scripture of God favoring the righteous to set an example to those who do not know him. Surely we all know believers who, in the midst of whatever they're going through, have unbelievable joy and peace, while un-believers trudge through everyday circumstances with a grim and grumpy look on their face-- even if nothing is wrong, everything is wrong! Thier gardens are shallow and dying, while ours should be bright, alive and growing! Which leads me to a question, what if we grew bigger gardens than them?

Being surrounded by some very dear friends who are highly talented and artistic people, I can safely say, that when they show me one of their new paintings, whatever they have depicted causes me to ask questions about what's on their heart and mind. If I see a painting or hear a song by an artist I don't know, I set about to figure out who this person is, so I can experience more of what they have to offer.

This morning I listened to a song singing about the beauty of the risen Christ (based on the discription given in Revelation 1:13-15). It's been said that our goal is to reflect this beauty to the world around us. If that is the case, I want to be one of His pieces of art in the world-- a masterpiece-- so people will ask questions about the Artist. I want my garden to be fuller, more colourful and more skillfully laid and planted than any of the non-believers around me so they will ask questions about the Gardener and experience the same beauty.

What does your garden look like? Is it growing wild and out of control, full of weeds and in desperate need of pruning? Is it dry and empty and refusing to grow anything at all? Or is it one that screams skill, beauty and points to Someone who knows what He is doing? John 10:10 says, "...I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." Are you living an abundant life or scraping to get by?

Does your life make the people around you want what you have? 1 Peter says it's possible to live such good lives that people will praise God on our account when He comes back. How do we do this?

Well, if there was another supernatural truth that I learned from the natural this week, it's that: weeds and roots are much easier to pull out while on your knees. We can only transform the environment of our hearts by spending time in intimacy with Christ, allowing him to convict and prune the areas he needs. He will most assuredly show you where there is a sin issue that needs to be uprooted or an attitude that has grown wild without your realization.

So, how about it, Church, are you willling to help me grow a "community garden" that's way more full of life and colour than the world's gardens around us?