"Jesus,
Here I am your favorite one
What are You thinking, what are You feeling?
I have to know
For I, I’m after Your heart
I'm after Your heart
I am after You
And I'll crown You with my love."
- Misty Edwards (Favorite One)
As a youngster I was a thoroughly "girly" girl. I loved pink and purple, playing dress-up and house. I experiemented in my mother's kitchen, exploring my domestic skill and created new "recipes" (none of which ever were or ever should be recreated!). I was the dutiful big sister and faithfully conscripted my younger sister (and brother) to play Barbies with me. I was a artist, author, playwrite, chef, "mom," explorer, mermaid, ranch owner, pioneer, scientist, teacher, bride, photographer-- anything my imagination would allow. I had (and still have) a very active imagination! But of all the personas I took on in my childhood play, the most important and magical of these was the princess.
I had the "benefit" of living with a mother whose tendancy was to throw things away very rarely. She kept alot of her old clothing and generally gave the stuff she no longer wore to us for dress-up rather than giving it to the local thrift store. This enabled me to dress in my mom's past finery to be the most beautiful make believe princess I could be. My siblings and I created wonderful "castles" out of chairs, blankets, and anything our mom would let us use (or that we could get away with using before she caught us). My brother would often take on the role of the evil pirate or black knight out to kidnap the princess, while my sister would be the younger "princess."
At the moment I cannot remember if I ever roped my father into playing the role of "king," but most definately, in my heart, that is what he was to me, and what little girl, with a healthy relationship with her father, does not delight in being "his little princess"?
I was spending some time in our church's prayer room when the Misty Edwards some quoted above began to play. I paused to meditate on the music and lyrics and the line jumped out at me:
"I will crown you with my love..."
Does it ever happen to you that you realize that you have been listening to a certain song for ages, but suddenly at the least expected moment, you realize you never really listened to the lyrics? This is exactly what happened to me.
I began to think, "What does it even mean, to 'crown Christ with my love'?" At first my thoughts were of how infinately higher Christ is than us. He is God incarnate and I am human. I cannot physically reach God. Even the lifting of my hands in worship, while stretching to get as close to God as possible, really doesn't close the gap at all when one thinks about the incredible distance.
That's when I pictured something like this: A father playing "dress-up prince and princess" with his little girl. She is in a princess costume, and he is wearing his bathrobe because his daughter thought it make him look the most "like a real prince." She wears a plastic tiara and in her hands, she holds a paper crown she lovingly made for her father. There are no real jewels because they are drawn on. The lines are cut crookedly, the colours unrealistic and the crown is too small to actually fit properly on her father's head. And yet, he bends down on one knee before his little princess and she, while still yet needing a stool, reaches up and places the crown on her father's head.
Reminds me of Psalm 18:35, "...You stoop down to make me great..."
Is that not us? Do we not need Christ to stoop down before us in order to make even the smallest transaction of our love possible? And that's when I realized that "stooping down" is exactly what he did for us on the cross all those years ago. There was no way we could possibly reach him. Even Paul says that Jesus came because the Old Testament laws and rules were impossible to keep to their full extent without the help of the Holy Spirit. When Jesus came to earth to live and die as a man, he was stooping before us to make placing the crown of Lordship on his head possible.
What does my "crown" of love look like? Does my love make him king in my heart more than he already is? When I love him, do I give him more authority in my life? Does, perhaps, my crown look really good, but it was done out of duty rather than the love of someone who perhaps made a crown that looks like little more than a child's craft?
And even so, though Christ has stooped very low before us and made himself worlds more reachable, we still, at times, need a stepping stool to reach him. That stool is made possible by a firm foundation built in the quietness and consistency of intimacy and the teachability that makes the development of good character occur. Are you giving God space to build this stepping stool? I can tell you, if you are not spending time with Jesus, if your relationship with him is not a priorty, reaching up to crown the king with your "love" is going to be very difficult.
And isn't it something incredible that though Christ is legitamately a king, he allows us to place our shabby, childish and sometimes downright ugly hand crafted crowns on his royal head? He sees the time and effort put into such projects and labours of love. He sees the heart of the giver behind the gift. He stoops down to gaze very carefully and lovingly at our souls, even while we try to reach him.
Thursday, 30 June 2011
Tuesday, 21 June 2011
What if we grew bigger gardens than them?
1 Peter 2:12 "Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation."
This summer, I have decidedly taken on a new hobby. It's on a very small scale, and still in the learning stages, but a hobby, none the less. It's flower gardening.
Now before you avid gardeners and botanists begin asking me about the types of flowers I am growing, what type of soil I have and what I use to fertilize it -- wait. I want to make sure I can actually keep them alive for the season first.
I have a tendency to look at people's gardens in awe and appreciation and think "I can do that." It seems acheiving the same effect of some more experienced gardeners in my own humble flower bed is much harder than expected. Not to mention, much more expensive than I anticipated. I think this is very much the same as when I, after much admiring the art of a friend of mine, assumed it would be easy to slap a bunch of acrylic paint on a canvas and have a beautiful work of art (She makes it look so easy!). However, what's found on my canvas' probably couldn't even be called art. Words come much easier for me.
At least my garden looks nice...even if, perhaps, I should have treated the soil differently before I began or planted somethings in slightly different spots.
As alluded to in my previous blog (See "Who's ever heard of a silent bride?"), this is somewhat of a continuation of my heart in the last one. And I have realized, in recent prayers for unsaved people I know, that salvation, evangelism and Christ's return have everything to do with gardening. In a purely allegorical sense, that is.
This last week, God gave me this illustration in my prayer time: Imagine a person, a non-believer, working hard in a garden with a hoe. They were making rows for seeds to be planted. However, with each swing into the ground, the hoe broke through a very thin layer of soil and clanged onto a concrete layer beneath the dirt. They continued this way before going and scattering the seeds in the rows.Then they stood back to watch their garden grow.
Next to them stands a believer, someone they know, doing the same thing. However, their hoe does not clang, but turns up the dirt, just as it should. They also sow thier seeds and stand back to watch the garden.
Over time, and very quickly, the believer's garden grows lush, tall and green, while the non-believer can barely see a shoot come up from the soil in their own.
There are many examples in scripture of God favoring the righteous to set an example to those who do not know him. Surely we all know believers who, in the midst of whatever they're going through, have unbelievable joy and peace, while un-believers trudge through everyday circumstances with a grim and grumpy look on their face-- even if nothing is wrong, everything is wrong! Thier gardens are shallow and dying, while ours should be bright, alive and growing! Which leads me to a question, what if we grew bigger gardens than them?
Being surrounded by some very dear friends who are highly talented and artistic people, I can safely say, that when they show me one of their new paintings, whatever they have depicted causes me to ask questions about what's on their heart and mind. If I see a painting or hear a song by an artist I don't know, I set about to figure out who this person is, so I can experience more of what they have to offer.
This morning I listened to a song singing about the beauty of the risen Christ (based on the discription given in Revelation 1:13-15). It's been said that our goal is to reflect this beauty to the world around us. If that is the case, I want to be one of His pieces of art in the world-- a masterpiece-- so people will ask questions about the Artist. I want my garden to be fuller, more colourful and more skillfully laid and planted than any of the non-believers around me so they will ask questions about the Gardener and experience the same beauty.
What does your garden look like? Is it growing wild and out of control, full of weeds and in desperate need of pruning? Is it dry and empty and refusing to grow anything at all? Or is it one that screams skill, beauty and points to Someone who knows what He is doing? John 10:10 says, "...I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." Are you living an abundant life or scraping to get by?
Does your life make the people around you want what you have? 1 Peter says it's possible to live such good lives that people will praise God on our account when He comes back. How do we do this?
Well, if there was another supernatural truth that I learned from the natural this week, it's that: weeds and roots are much easier to pull out while on your knees. We can only transform the environment of our hearts by spending time in intimacy with Christ, allowing him to convict and prune the areas he needs. He will most assuredly show you where there is a sin issue that needs to be uprooted or an attitude that has grown wild without your realization.
So, how about it, Church, are you willling to help me grow a "community garden" that's way more full of life and colour than the world's gardens around us?
This summer, I have decidedly taken on a new hobby. It's on a very small scale, and still in the learning stages, but a hobby, none the less. It's flower gardening.
Now before you avid gardeners and botanists begin asking me about the types of flowers I am growing, what type of soil I have and what I use to fertilize it -- wait. I want to make sure I can actually keep them alive for the season first.
I have a tendency to look at people's gardens in awe and appreciation and think "I can do that." It seems acheiving the same effect of some more experienced gardeners in my own humble flower bed is much harder than expected. Not to mention, much more expensive than I anticipated. I think this is very much the same as when I, after much admiring the art of a friend of mine, assumed it would be easy to slap a bunch of acrylic paint on a canvas and have a beautiful work of art (She makes it look so easy!). However, what's found on my canvas' probably couldn't even be called art. Words come much easier for me.
At least my garden looks nice...even if, perhaps, I should have treated the soil differently before I began or planted somethings in slightly different spots.
As alluded to in my previous blog (See "Who's ever heard of a silent bride?"), this is somewhat of a continuation of my heart in the last one. And I have realized, in recent prayers for unsaved people I know, that salvation, evangelism and Christ's return have everything to do with gardening. In a purely allegorical sense, that is.
This last week, God gave me this illustration in my prayer time: Imagine a person, a non-believer, working hard in a garden with a hoe. They were making rows for seeds to be planted. However, with each swing into the ground, the hoe broke through a very thin layer of soil and clanged onto a concrete layer beneath the dirt. They continued this way before going and scattering the seeds in the rows.Then they stood back to watch their garden grow.
Next to them stands a believer, someone they know, doing the same thing. However, their hoe does not clang, but turns up the dirt, just as it should. They also sow thier seeds and stand back to watch the garden.
Over time, and very quickly, the believer's garden grows lush, tall and green, while the non-believer can barely see a shoot come up from the soil in their own.
There are many examples in scripture of God favoring the righteous to set an example to those who do not know him. Surely we all know believers who, in the midst of whatever they're going through, have unbelievable joy and peace, while un-believers trudge through everyday circumstances with a grim and grumpy look on their face-- even if nothing is wrong, everything is wrong! Thier gardens are shallow and dying, while ours should be bright, alive and growing! Which leads me to a question, what if we grew bigger gardens than them?
Being surrounded by some very dear friends who are highly talented and artistic people, I can safely say, that when they show me one of their new paintings, whatever they have depicted causes me to ask questions about what's on their heart and mind. If I see a painting or hear a song by an artist I don't know, I set about to figure out who this person is, so I can experience more of what they have to offer.
This morning I listened to a song singing about the beauty of the risen Christ (based on the discription given in Revelation 1:13-15). It's been said that our goal is to reflect this beauty to the world around us. If that is the case, I want to be one of His pieces of art in the world-- a masterpiece-- so people will ask questions about the Artist. I want my garden to be fuller, more colourful and more skillfully laid and planted than any of the non-believers around me so they will ask questions about the Gardener and experience the same beauty.
What does your garden look like? Is it growing wild and out of control, full of weeds and in desperate need of pruning? Is it dry and empty and refusing to grow anything at all? Or is it one that screams skill, beauty and points to Someone who knows what He is doing? John 10:10 says, "...I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." Are you living an abundant life or scraping to get by?
Does your life make the people around you want what you have? 1 Peter says it's possible to live such good lives that people will praise God on our account when He comes back. How do we do this?
Well, if there was another supernatural truth that I learned from the natural this week, it's that: weeds and roots are much easier to pull out while on your knees. We can only transform the environment of our hearts by spending time in intimacy with Christ, allowing him to convict and prune the areas he needs. He will most assuredly show you where there is a sin issue that needs to be uprooted or an attitude that has grown wild without your realization.
So, how about it, Church, are you willling to help me grow a "community garden" that's way more full of life and colour than the world's gardens around us?
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
Who's ever heard of a silent bride?
Ephesians 1:13-14 "In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory."
It is now time for me to make a confession. Those of you who know me personally will already know this quite well (maybe even too well :P), but those of you who know me through my thoughts written here, will not necessarily.
I am a hopeless romantic at heart. Hopelessly.
And you know what is perhaps one of the most exciting things for a person such as I? A newly engaged couple-- particularly if the new bride-to-be is a good friend of mine (insert shout-out to J and D!). Oh, yes, how I revel in the giggles, the laughter, the daydreaming and planning, the choices on wedding colours and bridesmaid dresses, parties, showers and the occasional "jumping-up-and-down-because-we-are-just-SO-EXCITED." Once, I was over at a friend's and her roommate (who is also a friend of mine) came home late one night to tell us she was engaged. I screamed, was quickly shushed with quiet giggles and was informed the next day that an apology note had been written to the renters in the basement suite on the account of my excited scream.
Did I mention? I am not just a romantic, but a loud one at that.
Now, I have not yet had the pleasure of being engaged, but I imagine, if it happens one day, there will not be one person I meet who will not hear about my big day (or, at least, will not be spared the shimmer of the brilliant diamond on my finger). Yup. Everyone will know Jenn is getting married to the man of her dreams. It will be fantastic.
Now to change the subject to a much more solemn, but not really unrelated, note: Why, then, has the church so effectively lost her "pre-wedding glow" and excitement to share with the world about her Knight in shining armor-- the one who rescued her and loved her, quite literally, to the death? Why has the church chosen to secretly hide her engagement ring in her pocket, or in some cases, take it off completely?
Within the last year, God has slowly been doing a work in my heart. This work is the conviction to tell others about Jesus, and the urgency for those I love around me to know the same Jesus that I do. I am blessed to be in a community that is pushing forward as a church in a 'year of evangelism.' We believe time is short, and there is not a moment to lose. This was also driven home, when our community experienced the loss of three young people within the space of a month due to traffic accidents.
Even right now, I am not sure if I will be able to divulge the depths of my heart in this matter in the few words I have left. Perhaps this will turn into a "mini blog series" of sorts. I do not know, I just know, and am finding, when you really believe that the return of Christ is imminent, it changes something inside of you. I can not seem to shake the thought, "If I died or if Jesus came back tomorrow, and I had to stand before him, would he tell me that I had been faithful in sharing with others? Or would he tell me I missed the mark terribly." Worse yet, I being to weep if I ever think of my un-saved family dying and I could have done or said something to influence them to draw near to Christ--but I did not.
So what is the key to this Spirit of Evangelism that has been locked and tucked away within the church? Well, if evangelism is just being open and sharing and living like we were the bride of Christ, perhaps we need to fall in love with our Savior again. Ephesians 1:13-14 says, that the Holy Spirit was given to us as a guarantee-- essentially, the promise from Christ, to the church, that he would come back for us-- a holy engagement ring. So this is the conclusion that this brings me: if we are falling in love with our Saviour by participating in a true relationship with him, and functioning in the power of the Holy Spirit, there should be no reason that we should become a "silent bride."
Just now I am realizing that I may be in way over my head in attempting to communicate the very little bit I have been learning about evangelism. But my heart is burning to share it with you. We do not know how much time is left. In the case of Ryan, Olivia and Joey, their time was cut off drastically shorter than anyone would have thought. And yet, God is using their deaths to spur on a generation of youth to "flash their heavenly engagement ring" in the face of the world and invite them to come closer and look, and ask questions about our Groom.
A bride in love with her intended cannot help but be bursting to share. Who`s ever heard of a silent bride?
It is now time for me to make a confession. Those of you who know me personally will already know this quite well (maybe even too well :P), but those of you who know me through my thoughts written here, will not necessarily.
I am a hopeless romantic at heart. Hopelessly.
And you know what is perhaps one of the most exciting things for a person such as I? A newly engaged couple-- particularly if the new bride-to-be is a good friend of mine (insert shout-out to J and D!). Oh, yes, how I revel in the giggles, the laughter, the daydreaming and planning, the choices on wedding colours and bridesmaid dresses, parties, showers and the occasional "jumping-up-and-down-because-we-are-just-SO-EXCITED." Once, I was over at a friend's and her roommate (who is also a friend of mine) came home late one night to tell us she was engaged. I screamed, was quickly shushed with quiet giggles and was informed the next day that an apology note had been written to the renters in the basement suite on the account of my excited scream.
Did I mention? I am not just a romantic, but a loud one at that.
Now, I have not yet had the pleasure of being engaged, but I imagine, if it happens one day, there will not be one person I meet who will not hear about my big day (or, at least, will not be spared the shimmer of the brilliant diamond on my finger). Yup. Everyone will know Jenn is getting married to the man of her dreams. It will be fantastic.
Now to change the subject to a much more solemn, but not really unrelated, note: Why, then, has the church so effectively lost her "pre-wedding glow" and excitement to share with the world about her Knight in shining armor-- the one who rescued her and loved her, quite literally, to the death? Why has the church chosen to secretly hide her engagement ring in her pocket, or in some cases, take it off completely?
Within the last year, God has slowly been doing a work in my heart. This work is the conviction to tell others about Jesus, and the urgency for those I love around me to know the same Jesus that I do. I am blessed to be in a community that is pushing forward as a church in a 'year of evangelism.' We believe time is short, and there is not a moment to lose. This was also driven home, when our community experienced the loss of three young people within the space of a month due to traffic accidents.
Even right now, I am not sure if I will be able to divulge the depths of my heart in this matter in the few words I have left. Perhaps this will turn into a "mini blog series" of sorts. I do not know, I just know, and am finding, when you really believe that the return of Christ is imminent, it changes something inside of you. I can not seem to shake the thought, "If I died or if Jesus came back tomorrow, and I had to stand before him, would he tell me that I had been faithful in sharing with others? Or would he tell me I missed the mark terribly." Worse yet, I being to weep if I ever think of my un-saved family dying and I could have done or said something to influence them to draw near to Christ--but I did not.
So what is the key to this Spirit of Evangelism that has been locked and tucked away within the church? Well, if evangelism is just being open and sharing and living like we were the bride of Christ, perhaps we need to fall in love with our Savior again. Ephesians 1:13-14 says, that the Holy Spirit was given to us as a guarantee-- essentially, the promise from Christ, to the church, that he would come back for us-- a holy engagement ring. So this is the conclusion that this brings me: if we are falling in love with our Saviour by participating in a true relationship with him, and functioning in the power of the Holy Spirit, there should be no reason that we should become a "silent bride."
Just now I am realizing that I may be in way over my head in attempting to communicate the very little bit I have been learning about evangelism. But my heart is burning to share it with you. We do not know how much time is left. In the case of Ryan, Olivia and Joey, their time was cut off drastically shorter than anyone would have thought. And yet, God is using their deaths to spur on a generation of youth to "flash their heavenly engagement ring" in the face of the world and invite them to come closer and look, and ask questions about our Groom.
A bride in love with her intended cannot help but be bursting to share. Who`s ever heard of a silent bride?
Monday, 6 June 2011
In the Desert with Him.
"And the LORD said to me,"Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the LORD loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins." So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and a homer and a lethech of barley. And I said to her, "You must dwell as mine for many days. You shall not play the whore, or belong to another man; so will I also be to you." For the children of Israel shall dwell many days without king or prince, without sacrifice or pillar, without ephod or household gods. Afterward the children of Israel shall return and seek the LORD their God, and David their king, and they shall come in fear to the LORD and to his goodness in the latter days." Hosea 3
As far as I know at this point, I will be taking my first ever "gap year" this fall since graduating high school. I know. It's a big deal. I think I will hate it.
Or perhaps you are sitting there thinking, "No. It's not really a big deal at all," and I get that. Perhaps the thought of just working and having no plans for further schooling thrills you, but it honestly scares me. I love working towards things.
I tend to always be on the run. I hate sitting still, I love accomplishing and seeing things done. Though I know many people have a bent to be too relaxed, I have the bent to do too much. I think, also perhaps, this is connected to my seemingly infinite lack of patience in waiting for certain things. For example: the knowledge of what I am going to do when I am "grown up" or the salvation of family members and many more things.
I also tend to run when I get uncomfortable or scared -- the classic "fight or flight" reflex. If a conversation turns in a direction I don't know how to handle, I change the topic or walk away. If a guy tries pursuing me and I am not interested or don't know how it would work, I tend to avoid him. If there is a certain issue that I know God has something to say about, but I am worried about his response, I will avoid praying about the issue for extended amounts of time.
How's that for honesty?
The book of Hosea tells a story that has remained close to my heart ever since I first heard it. It's the story of how God uses a prophet and his relationship with an unfaithful wife to illustrate in graphic terms the relationship between God and Israel. In the book, it talks about how Hosea's wife (Gomer-- great name, hey?) leaves her husband to be adulterous with other men. Even though Gomer had protection, a home and love from Hosea, she chose to leave him.
Francine Rivers rewrote the story (see the book Redeeming Love), setting it in the American gold rush, where men and prostitutes were abundant. In this particular story, Gomer is a prostitute named "Angel" who is rescued from her sordid life by a godly man named "Mr. Hosea." However, when things start going well and she starts feeling uncomfortable with their new found intimacy, she runs.
Just like I tend to do when things touch my heart in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable.
In Hosea chapter three, we see God tell Hosea to go and take his wife back and say to her, "You must dwell as mine for many days..." (vs. 3). Monogamy. Dwelling. Not running after something or someone, but dwelling.
I have long been terrified now of this summer. After finishing perhaps the most productive and incredible year of my life through the church leadership program I participated in, I have been dreading the inevitable "wilderness" season that I have been sure is to occur. The wilderness season is epitomized in Hosea 2:14 when God says of Gomer/Israel "Behold, I will allure her and bring her into the wilderness..." His whole intent was to bring Gomer/Israel where she would leaning willingly on God's shoulder (Hosea 2:15-20). If God's intent in any "wilderness" of my life is to draw my closer to him, why do I dread it so?
Because of discomfort. Deserts are hot, dusty, dry, likely to cause sunburns and rampant with exotic, poisonous things like snakes and scorpions. Dwelling with God and ONLY God in the desert will be bound to be discomforting -- the very thing that makes me want to run...But there's no where to run in the desert.
Hosea 3:5 says, "Afterward the children of Israel shall return and seek the LORD their God...and they shall come in fear to the LORD and to his goodness in the latter days." God put (and according to prophesy still will put) the nation of Israel into a position where they must eventually come to realize the goodness and grace of God. I wonder, actually, I am fairly confidant, that God also is putting me in a place where I must face some discomfort in order to fully run into his arms and relax. I picture a parent who holds an upset child, even though they might kick and scream, until they stop fighting and simply rest in the parent's arms.
I am so like the woman Gomer. I have just had an incredible year, my intimacy with Christ has deepened as never before. However, now I must actually apply all the wonderful things I have learned, I am feeling the pinch. It hurts a little. I have been here before and I know that God only wants to me love him in an ever DEEPER way than I did during the school year -- because love deepens when we actually practice love, not just theorize about it (like much of Bible school is).
So, yes. I am taking a gap year and I will have to sit in one place for a while until God directs me to run ahead to something else. This "sitting" is probably going to take place in a desert of sorts, but he's right along beside me, just waiting for me to lean on him (Songs 8:5) and consequently, love him more.
I think I am coming to realize...perhaps the hot, dusty, poisonous creature infested place called the desert is okay...but only if I am with Him.
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