Prayer "Overkill."

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must now suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord, he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." James 1:5-8

This last week I made a big decision. A decision that had the possibility to have big implications for my next year, specifically the next "season" of my life.

Decisions of relative to large size have always been fairly difficult for me. Actually, any decision can  be difficult for me. For example, I've known myself to wear three different outfits before finally deciding to wear the forth one. I sometimes get stressed when someone else asks me to pick the music while we are driving or where we will eat. Though I am told that I have a dominant personality trait -- and that should make decision making easier? -- I am also at times -- maybe more often than that -- a "tormented soul" as one of my pastors would say.

This "tormented soul syndrome" comes from a deep and passionate desire to do right, he would say. Those afflicted by it tend to have great concern or worry about whether they are "in God's will" or not. They look for lightening flashed across the heavens just to signal they have made the right decision. Perhaps the worst of it is they often forget God's sovereignty and that "my decisions, if I am seeking him, will not mess up his plans." However, in my own experience, and especially most recently, this often leads to the "prayer overkill syndrome" which, I just named now.

Now, I am assuming that I am not the first person in all of human history to beat a topic to death in their prayer life. What do I mean by this? I mean asking God in every prayer and every devotional time for direction or wisdom in a situation to the point that I am just confusing myself by not leaving the subject alone, or second guessing the answer that I have already received.

Of course, there are times where we must spend many hours seeking his wisdom because of the implications involved. But a distinct symptom of POS (Prayer Overkill Syndrome) is not trusting God's answer or voice OR you don't like the answer you are receiving so you keep going back hoping for a different one.

NEWSFLASH: God rarely changes his mind on what's best -- and if he does, he didn't actually. I think he sometimes gives us over to our stubbornness so we will perhaps listen in the future. The first time!

The verses in James promise that God gives wisdom to those who ask. In my own decision making process in the last month or so, I have sensed since the beginning what my ultimate decision would be. But I did not like the answer I got, so I kept asking. Partly, this was also my attempt to feel a peace in my spirit about what I would choose.

This verse about asking for wisdom hit me when I realized that this verse in James said that, in order to really receive, we must trust. Those who do not trust the wisdom they receive from God are "like wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind" and "unstable."

You have no idea how desperately I want to be stable. Actually, you probably do, because I think everyone desires it.

So, to all the others with TSS (No, not Toxic Shock Syndrome, but "Tormented Soul Syndrome" :P) and POS; to anyone who has ever or is right now beating an item of prayer to death, let's trust that our God actually does know what he is talking about when he gives us an answer -- which is, I am assuming, why we go to him in the first place with our questions. If you do have a sense of what you are supposed to do and have been diligently seeking God and if it lines up with Scripture and Wisdom, then JUST TRUST! It may be that, even after just taking a break from praying about it, you will have more peace and clarity. That's what happened for me!

Let's remember that as we seek God, he works in us so our desires align with his. Our senses of what we should do may just actually be more than just our own "senses." (That is, if you are a Spirit filled Believer that is seeking God wholeheartedly).

God is not a god of confusion, but a God of peace (1 Cor. 14:33), therefore, when we ask for wisdom, let's trust he'll give it to us!

Beauty in the Not-So-Beautiful.

I had already had a name picked a couple days ago for this blog I was planning to start, but it just hit me this morning as I sat in church for the Good Friday prayer service just how appropriate it was.

The phrase "uncommonly beautiful" came to me perhaps a year ago now during a time I was spending with God on a treat. Originally, it had been an encouragement to myself about the way God sees me and my heart. It's painting on the wall in my room and every so often I will hear my Father whisper it to me again.

This blog is the product both of thoughts I had been having about starting one and a conversation I had with a mentor of mine about how I should incorporate my writing and use it for God. And when I made the official decision to start one, "Uncommonly Beautiful" was the first thing that came to me when I thought about what I should name it. However, after this morning and in this Easter weekend, I want to explore what I think is especially "uncommonly beautiful." 

There is a scene in the movie "The Passion of the Christ" that moves me beyond words and causes me to weep without fail every time I have seen it so far. Jesus had just been brutally beaten and whipped by the Roman soldiers, his body torn to shreds and pouring blood (Isaiah 53:5) before he was dragged away. In the movie, (of course it's impossible to know what really happened) Mary, Jesus' mother, and Mary Magdalene have been watching the beating. Once their beloved Son and Teacher is taken away, Pilot's wife brings them white cloths to wipe up all the blood from the ground where Jesus was abused.

Now, I am not a big fan of gore -- in fact, I really hate it-- but the scene that follows is probably one of the most touching and beautiful things I have ever seen on screen. The Mary's get on their hands and knees and begin to use the cloths to wipe the stone ground, their hands and the trail of their clothing becoming covered with blood-- Jesus' blood. When the cloths are soaked, Mary Magdalene takes her head covering and uses it to keep wiping. The picture is so powerful to me. So uncommonly beautiful. 

I want to be the one wiping up the blood! I have never understood why I think this when I see it. Blood is a symbol of death, the result of hatred against Christ, and the result of my sin. Yet, when I think about this verse in Revelation 7:14 ("they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.") and Ephesians 2:13 ("But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ.") I think about how that blood is what has changed by life! That blood is what give me freedom, hope and peace! Morbid as it may sound, I want to touch it, feel it and be as near to it as possible, even if I get my clothing bloody. His blood is beautiful not because of some weird supernatural, physical property in it, but because it is the currency that bought my freedom, hope, joy, peace, and on and on and on...

Usually death makes me sad, but the death of my Savior gives me great joy because of it's transforming power. And here is where I see the connection between the words God spoke over me and Good Friday. Though usually blood is a reason to mourn and be reviled by and though sin makes things ugly, Jesus' blood was (and is) uncommonly beautiful upon the cross and because of it, God made a plain, sinful girl like me "Uncommonly Beautiful" because my sin is gone and I have freedom! Thank you, Jesus, for Good Friday.

"What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus; What can make me whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus." (Robert Lowry, 1876, Hymn: "Nothing but the Blood of Jesus")