When God writes the ending.

"Come, let us return to the LORD; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up...Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers as the spring rains water the earth." Hosea 6:1,3

I am a writer to my core. I feel alive when I can put "ink" to what is going on inside my heart. When I feel overwhelmed, excited, sad, (or any emotion, really) the best way for me to process is to write. Though I may not know how to sort through a given situation in my head right after it happens, it begins to make sense as I see words take shape on a blank page.

I think God must be a writer too. In every sense of the word, he is the writer of all history -- "his-story." One song goes, You journal everyday about my life. It says in Isaiah that our names are engraved on his hands. He inspired men to write the words of God that became what we call the Bible. Our names are written in the Book of Life. God is completely sovereign and all knowing. Somewhere, I believe, he has a book entitled "Jennifer Laurel's Earthly Life."

The thing about stories, even books, is they all have endings.

There are all manner of endings. Good ones. Bad ones. Bittersweet ones. Ones that leave you either with a joyful laugh or a painful lump in your throat. Ones that you forget within minutes of leaving the movie theatre or ones that stay with you long, long after you close the cover of your favorite book.

Seasons of life are like chapters in a book. 

I have come to the realization that it is impossible to judge the book that God is writing about me by judging the cover. Cause I did. And I was wrong. Sometimes the way an Author writes can lead us to believe something which may actually not be the case at all. Though many writers are predictable and write run of the mill stories with run of the mill endings, God, I have decided, is the most unpredictable story writer I have come to know. He is so above every ending I could write about my own life.

It's painful to write a chapter about your life, hand it to God to "edit" and have it handed back to you covered in red pen. Parts you really liked have been scratched out. Wording you thought captured things perfectly has been tweaked and changed to something you would never have thought of, and upon first glace seems to be "not as good" as your original writing.

And as you stare at those marked up pages and puzzle and question and frown, the Editor come from behind his own desk and leans close over your shoulder to explain his decisions and changes. It's the moment when we choose pride and defensiveness or humility. We can choose to pull away or relax in the nearness of the One who knows best. I can fight God for what I thought was a good story-line, or I can allow him to partner in the journey to make something incredibly beautiful-- a best seller that will point the people around me to a Great and Awesome King.

I want my life to point others to Jesus. Funny how imperfect characters and situations can still make up a perfect story. 

Often a story needs to be broken down before it can be pieced together into something that will be publish worthy. Memories of imperfect assignments that caused hours of re-editing agony in high school and college come rushing back. Hosea says he breaks us to put us back together again. Even in temporary pain, we can be assured of eternal comfort.

And the better we know the editor, the easier it is to accept his "literary" direction. And I think, perhaps, our Heavenly Editor allows us to "write" certain things just so he can teach us a lesson through his own "editing" process. In his sovereignty, he redeems it all.

As you may have guessed, I've had a chapter close in my life close recently. And in this moment I feel caught in an awkward limbo between chapters. It's the moment of reflection before turning the page. It can be difficult, not knowing what to expect-- painful even, if you have to close the book for a while and come back to it later because something else is demanding your time and attention. Endings are what you allow God to make them-- is this ending going to push me forward or keep me stuck in the past?

Yet, when God writes the ending, I can know that all is as it should be. And when I gaze upon Perfection, I will finally understand.