More than I could ever ask or imagine.

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:14-21

So, It's been a while since I have written and I have a very good explanation for it. This last week I was helping lead and counsel a leadership development camp for high school students three hours north from the place I call home. While this blog's purpose is not to be a diary or journal, I feel this time I need to give you all a glimpse into the last week I experienced and what God showed me through it. (Plus it will be a chance for all the campers reading this to know what I really thought of the week-- da da dun... Hehe, just kidding!)

There's a word that became very powerful for me over the last week and it's a big reason I am writing about my week-- which many of you probably couldn't care less about-- over the World Wide Web. 

The word is vulnerability. 

Of course, it goes without saying that the things I share here are only a fraction of what went on inside my heart as some of it is simply too personal to share with just anyone and much of it would take more room and time to explain than is necessary to this blog's purpose. My intent is to give you a glimpse into what God is doing in my life and hopefully something from it encourages you.

I was thrown into this past week with very little notice and an even vaguer of what to expect. I was asked to participate by a couple that I did not know well and the people I would be counseling with I either did not know at all or was unsure about how our personalities would work together.

Arriving at camp and meeting as a leadership team (there were six of us: myself, Chris, Becki, Rena, Wayne and Steve) we got together to pray about the week ahead of us. In my own prayer time, God brought to mind the passage at the beginning of the blog. The title in the Bible was "A Prayer for Spiritual Endurance." Oh great...my first thought were that God was preparing me for a spiritually draining and physically exhausting week. Especially when the leaders I was praying with also seemed to agree that we would need perseverance.

What did jump out at me was the part where Paul writes that God will exceed our expectations to the same level that we allow him to work in our hearts. I had no idea just what type of an overhaul I was about to get in my inner person.

I am always amazed at the genuine love God gives to me in situations where I am to lead people I really have zero idea who they are or where they have come from. The kids we were working with this week (if one could even call them kids...they were all incredibly mature high school students) were an incredible delight to me. I definitely left the week feeling that I had left behind part of my family-- these young men and women became my little brothers and sisters in Christ in such a tangible way.

As I watched and observed them work through difficult tasks and team building exercises, their strengths and the incredible way in which they approached their tasks highlighted to me my own faults and areas that I needed to grow in. More than once I found myself thinking (and saying to the other leaders): "I am so glad I am not the one to be doing this." Now I realize that this was the beginning of God preparing the soil of my heart for growth as well!

As the team grew in unity (both within the leadership and the teens), I found it harder and harder to put up a bold front of perfection. 

I hate letting people see my weakness.

Each time I would say something I shouldn't, or each time my exhaustion peeked through in a sarcastic or unnecessary comment, I became increasingly aware of the fact that my stubbornness and independence were becoming a barrier to engaging wholeheartedly in my week's ministry.

So, through His Sovereignty and a series of events that are better left unsaid, God brought me to a place that I had to be completely and 100% vulnerable in a way that I was hoping would not happen. But when the strong facade was gone, what was left was a humbled, more free and more vulnerable Jennifer. I did not even realize the what God had done until I got home and saw these things begin to play themselves out in "real life."

Already before this point, God was doing things that blew me away with his goodness. After I opened up and allowed him to be the strong one and admit my weakness and inadequacy, I saw even more amazing things take place-- both in my heart and within the group. At one point one of the campers said that the group of students seemed to mirror what was going on in our small leadership team of six people. I told them, "Leadership lesson-- it all trickles down." Hah, if I would have learned that sooner (or applied what I knew), I can't help but wonder what I have kept other people I have led from just because I did not also open my heart to God's working hand?

"...Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

Vulnerability. A key to leadership and my key to seeing God's incredible hand this last week. Jesus, continue to work in me so I may see you work in others.