"The Lord said to [Moses], "What is that I see in your hand?" He said, "A staff." " Exodus 4:2
I remember the moment I realized I had a "calling" on my life.
Now, let us keep in mind that I am a dramatic person. Drama runs in my family. The women are especially notorious for it. Minor issues become life-changing moments. Realizations are accompanied with loud verbal noises. Emotional moments almost always include tears. And no one ever likes to see when we are legitimately upset about something. We (I) don't stew or brew...we boil over. There's no "simmer" setting here.
Let's just say this was one of those moments. There were tears. There may have even been a puddle on the floor. I was moved, I was broken. I felt different for the rest of the evening and the missions trip I was on. The direction of my life had been altered. I felt new purpose and passion to pursue a new path I was certain God had set before me.
And then I went home and reality hit. Routine set in. The moment where God so powerfully spoke to me faded into my memory and I was confronted with the demands of high school, family, and friends.
Looking back on this time of life between the moment I recognized God had a plan for me and when I consciously started acting in it, I tend to think (and thought even then) that I was unfaithful to what God had shown me. Now I realize he was developing the tools he had placed inside of me for useful service.
Moses is one of my favorite and most beloved Bible characters. He's dynamic and relateable. He walked the journey of highs and lows, mountain-top experiences and deep valleys. Something new that came to my attention this year was that he knew long before he actually led the Israelites that he was called to lead them--but it took 40 years of testing in the desert to get to a spot where God could use him.
At my peak of believing that I was the most useable by God a trusted mentor spoke this truth into my life: "Though you might have a clear calling from the Lord, it can take years to reach the fulfillment of that calling." Of course, it didn't take long for discouragement to set in after this. In my own mind, I was ready to be used by God now!
When the Lord appeared to Moses at the burning bush after years of isolation and, I imagine, silence, Moses was completely humbled, broken and useless--in his own mind. But the one of the first questions that God asks him is: "What is that in your hand?"
Most of my life, my picture of what "receiving a calling from the Lord" looked like was to be handed this incredible ministry or being "granted" a powerful gift or have Him move powerfully to arrange circumstances and people in such a way that everyone would know that Jenn had been called by God.
There's no hint of pride in that, is there?
What I have only now been realizing is that God doesn't necessarily want to give us something "new" or "magically" make gifts and circumstances appear/occur in order to make us useful to him. And responding to God's call on our lives certainly doesn't mean manipulating circumstances to fit the picture of how things look in our minds. (Much the way Moses assumed working to free the Israelites meant vigilantism against their Egyptian oppressors.)
He wants me as I am. He wants Jennifer. He wants the specific and individual woman he created with the specific and individual gifts and abilities that he gave her. He doesn't want to put me on a "new" path--he wants to push me ahead on the road I'm already on. He wants to use the staff that I'm already hanging on to.
Oh if I could have realized a long time ago that everything that was happening in my life is actually a part of the entire call he has on my life. The way I pictured things looking six years ago looks entirely different than the way they have ended up working out. I have no doubt that the way things will look six to ten years from now will look that much more different yet!
God is the Creator. He longs to create from within his creation. Just like he desired to use Moses' plain, shepherd's staff to give signs to kings and nations, eat demonic snakes and part entire seas, God wants to use your "very plain" talents, circumstances and gifts to powerfully move and shake the things around you.
What's that in your hand?