I'll just toss my crown at Your feet.

Revelation 4:10,11 "...the twenty-four elders fall down before him who is seated on the throne and worship him who lives forever and ever. They cast their crowns before the throne saying, "Worthy are you, our Lord and God to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created." "

I am a female with a tendency towards over-achievement. Let me explain to you what I mean by this:

a. I am a female. I'm a girl (surprise!). I like pretty things (who doesn't?). I like jewelry and diamonds (especially engagement rings). I like lace and dresses. I like gold and silver. I like bling (Yes, I will admit to it).

Secondly...

b. Overachiever. I like to do everything and anything I get in my head to do. But not only that, I want to do it well. I am way too optimistic when it comes to accomplishing everything I think should easily be done. For example: Summer is just around the corner (may as well be here already in Manitoba with sunny skies and temperatures warm enough for me to sit on my deck and write this in a tanktop), and that means...time to do EVERYTHING! Trips across Canada and the US and Europe, being in two wedding parties, going to various concerts, not to mention a week or two of counseling at Bible camp. Oh, did I mention? I'm paying rent and I am planning to be a full-time student in the fall.

Yes. I actually entertained the thought of doing all those things-- with money left over in the bank...Until my friend called wisdom and reason stepped in and told me there was no way that all that was financially plausible. Or, even feasible time-wise.

All that aside for a moment, I was reading through Revelation and read the passage above as I have probably a dozen times before. In church we've sung the song, "We lay our crowns down..." But today, the word cast especially caught my attention. Unlike other times when I've read this, I suddenly pictured these living creatures carelessly tossing their priceless, gifted crowns at Jesus' feet.

So I went to my Greek concordance. :) 

The word cast is from the Greek word ballo which means, to "throw or let go of a thing without caring where it falls...to give over to one's care, being uncertain of the result." So perhaps my visions of crowns being thrown around weren't so far off after all.

Maybe it's just me, but I have a hard time picturing myself carelessly tossing the precious, jewel encrusted, golden crown that was given to me as a gift by a King right back at his very feet. No, I'd probably be afraid to scratch or scuff it, to have a emerald fall out or to appear to have a lack of poise before the king and others in court. These elders however, don't seem to have any qualms about the above list. 

We know from elsewhere in Scripture that we will receive "the crown of righteousness" if we are faithful, righteous and over-comers here in this lifetime. I can imagine that our works and achievements contribute to how our crown looks when we finally gain it in the end. All the good things we've ever done for God...all our big spiritual achievements...all wrapped up in precious stones and metals to crown our heads. And yet, the twenty-four elders did not love their own glory and honor so much that they had to keep it to themselves. Instead, they gave it back to the one who had enabled them with the privilege in the first place.

They gave the glory all back to Jesus. They didn't care if their glory got scuffed or marked up or had a couple gems missing, because it wasn't theirs to begin with. 

I mentioned that I am a female overachiever. I like the nice-looking things I've done and accomplished for God. They make me feel good about myself. I've worked hard for some of those things. Some things have left me very pleased with the end result. But the truth is: it hasn't been Jennifer Laurel's doing at all. The truth is, the only reason I was able to do anything I've done in my lifetime is because God first enabled me. It was His glory that I was reflecting whenever I did something that may have looked good. Because, to be quite brutally honest, I'm not capable of much beyond his infinite help. 

So Lord, I will toss my crown at your feet without caring what happens to it when it falls, or what you will do with it. It was never my work that got me that crown in the first place. Anything good or beautiful about it was all because of you. For by your will you created me, and by your will I existed.