Job 37:5, 19 "God thunders wondrously with His voice; he does great things that we cannot comprehend...teach us what we shall say to him; we cannot draw up our case because of darkness."
I usually feel justified in my emotion.
Very rarely do I feel passionately or strongly about something and realize that it might possibly be the wrong response. I always have a reason floating around in my mind somewhere, explaining to myself while it is right to feel the way I do.
Let me set the scene. Person A is offended by Person B (whether person B knows it or not). In A's mind, they have all the evidence against B -- giving every reason for A to feel upset, offended, or angry by B's actions. Until...
...That one annoying piece of the puzzle or equation that was previously overlooked suddenly comes to light. Now, everything about B's actions make sense. There is no more justification for A's response, and they are now left with embarrassment or sheepishness (or more annoyance that they were never in the right, after all).
In an honest evaluation about my humanness, I have probably been person "A" alot more often that I have been person "B." This especially holds true if I apply this to my relationship with God.
I remember a year ago around this time, I was going through a particularly rough season. There was a relationship in my life that was causing me a great deal of stress and I had poured out my heart to God a million times hoping for answers and telling him what I thought should be done about said relationship. At my vantage point, I thought I saw exactly what was going on, based on this, I also thought I had all the answers about how the problem should be solved. I was dealing with offense towards God for the way things were playing out and I was very unhappy, because the simple answers (in my mind) were not playing out.
After about a month of intense struggle, the situation was cleared up -- but -- only after I had admitted to God that I did not know best. Only after I submitted to God's sovereignty. Only after I realized that God was trying to teach me some fairly big lessons. Only after I had the humility to realize that it was my character God was trying to work on.
And only now, over a year later, am I realizing the impact of the things that went on during that time. Only now am I beginning to realize what God was doing in my heart and life. And I probably still don't know the half of it.
I have come to this conclusion and it's time to make this confession to all of you: I cannot possibly comprehend all that God is doing in my life through the struggles and circumstances that I am currently facing. I can try to understand. I can rail against him to "fix" things. I can tell him what to do or where to go, but the truth is there is too much darkness surrounding us at times to see clearly. Only God Almighty sees the big picture.
Psalm 18:11 says "[God] made darkness his covering..." God is too much of a mystery for us to ever fully comprehend. I have no real "evidence" to bring against him because the evidence I feel I have was collected in a dark room. If I had access to the light switch (and I don't, only God does), I would see that the few things I know that led me to believe a certain thing about what God was doing was really, really wrong when compared to all I would have seen, had the "lights been on."
God, I am simple. You are great. My vision is much to clouded and nearsighted to make judgements about what you are doing in my life. Because of darkness, I will not draw up a case against you.