Ecclesiastes's Answer = Easter

Ecclesiastes 1:14 "I have seen everything that is done under the sun,  and behold, all is vanity and a striving after wind."

Hello again, world--at least, those of you who will read this.

It's interesting that I find myself here again after so much time. Even more so to me is that this whole idea for a blog came out of an Easter service at my church and once again it's Easter and my 2.5 year writer's block has lifted. I do not even know whether I'm doing this more for myself or for the small chance that someone might read this and be encouraged. From where I sit at the moment, it's possibly just one way I'm connecting with God this Easter Saturday morning. 

The book of Ecclesiastes has somewhat been a question mark on the pages of my heart for some time. Sure, it has jewels scattered throughout, but it seems largely devoid of the hope I find elsewhere in the Bible. Why would God want this book filled with angst and (seemingly) hopeless questioning included within the canon of Scripture? Since I believe 2 Timothy 3:16, my heart whispers, Surely there must be something I'm missing.

Here lies my confession--part of the reason I have not written here in so long. See, I've been in this "on again-off again" relationship with pride. In my humanness, it seems to mostly be "on again." Part of my pride complex is this irritatingly persistent struggle I have with fear. Mostly, fear of how people will view me--mostly in connection with my faith--even though I say my faith means everything to me. The fact that I post this to Facebook and don't really know who will read it after that stirs a nervousness inside me. I care about a lot of people who might not agree with things I write here.

And yet, in the time I haven't been blogging, God has been doing wonderful things inside my heart. I want people to know the hope, for themselves, that I have found. It's a hope I've found within the pages of the Bible and I believe every word of it points to the Savior this whole Easter season is intended to celebrate. 

Enter Ecclesiastes--where's the hope in "all is vanity..."?

I decided to read a commentary on Ecclesiastes 4 this morning and my entire view of the book has been changed. Two different authors suggested that the premise for Ecclesiastes is the fact that the writer (possibly King Solomon himself) is judging everything he is seeing from an "under the sun" perspective. His focus is on this lifetime and the lack of purpose there seems to be in the world when one considers things like injustice, death and lack of lasting satisfaction. The phrase "under the sun" shows up over 25 times in this book--which means there is a whole lot in this book concerned with this lifetime.

No wonder he sounds depressed and hopeless. Our broken and hurting world leaves a whole lot to be desired. The problem is, how many of us are looking to fill that desire for more with things "under the sun"? According to the writer of this book, he had access to everything he could have ever wanted and still found his heart wanting and questioning.

Whether or not what follows is a proper theological train of thought or not, I don't know, but I want to share with you a connection I made in Scripture this morning which has shown me the thread of hope woven into Ecclesiastes. 

It says in Matthew 27:45 that the sun was darkened during the crucifixion. Some people say it was an eclipse, but whatever the cause, there was no sunshine for a period of time Jesus hung on the cross. If we had been there that day, we may not have seen the sun, but the Son of God would have been seen hanging on the cross. Whether or not this is what was on God's mind during the time, I cannot say, but this is the thought that came to mind as I considered these things: The moment Jesus took our sin, the cross transcended our "under the sun" world described in Ecclesiastes. It's the cross that gives hope beyond the "vanity" of this lifetime. The cross creates a bridge past our world towards Heaven.
 
We need to look past the sun towards the Son.

Many, many people have a hard time accepting the terrible things happening in this world "if there is a God." I don't blame them. However, the terrible things in this lifetime are a big reason why I cling so very tightly to my Savior. I believe he will make it all right one day with complete justice. Without Him I have no hope. Then why does he wait to make it right? 

He wants you to have hope too.

 
 

"What's that I see in your hand?"

"The Lord said to [Moses], "What is that I see in your hand?" He said, "A staff." " Exodus 4:2
 
I remember the moment I realized I had a "calling" on my life.

Now, let us keep in mind that I am a dramatic person. Drama runs in my family. The women are especially notorious for it. Minor issues become life-changing moments. Realizations are accompanied with loud verbal noises. Emotional moments almost always include tears. And no one ever likes to see when we are legitimately upset about something. We (I) don't stew or brew...we boil over. There's no "simmer" setting here. 

Let's just say this was one of those moments. There were tears. There may have even been a puddle on the floor. I was moved, I was broken. I felt different for the rest of the evening and the missions trip I was on. The direction of my life had been altered. I felt new purpose and passion to pursue a new path I was certain God had set before me.

And then I went home and reality hit. Routine set in. The moment where God so powerfully spoke to me faded into my memory and I was confronted with the demands of high school, family, and friends. 

Looking back on this time of life between the moment I recognized  God had a plan for me and when I consciously started acting in it, I tend to think (and thought even then) that I was unfaithful to what God had shown me. Now I realize he was developing the tools he had placed inside of me for useful service.

Moses is one of my favorite and most beloved Bible characters. He's dynamic and relateable. He walked the journey of highs and lows, mountain-top experiences and deep valleys. Something new that came to my attention this year was that he knew long before he actually led the Israelites that he was called to lead them--but it took 40 years of testing in the desert to get to a spot where God could use him.

At my peak of believing that I was the most useable by God a trusted mentor spoke this truth into my life: "Though you might have a clear calling from the Lord, it can take years to reach the fulfillment of that calling." Of course, it didn't take long for discouragement to set in after this. In my own mind, I was ready to be used by God now!

When the Lord appeared to Moses at the burning bush after years of isolation and, I imagine, silence, Moses was completely humbled, broken and useless--in his own mind. But the one of the first questions that God asks him is: "What is that in your hand?"

Most of my life, my picture of what "receiving a calling from the Lord" looked like was to be handed this incredible ministry or being "granted" a powerful gift or have Him move powerfully to arrange circumstances and people in such a way that everyone would know that Jenn had been called by God.

There's no hint of pride in that, is there?

What I have only now been realizing is that God doesn't necessarily want to give us something "new" or "magically" make gifts and circumstances appear/occur in order to make us useful to him. And responding to God's call on our lives certainly doesn't mean manipulating circumstances to fit the picture of how things look in our minds. (Much the way Moses assumed working to free the Israelites meant vigilantism against their Egyptian oppressors.)

He wants me as I am. He wants Jennifer. He wants the specific and individual woman he created with the specific and individual gifts and abilities that he gave her. He doesn't want to put me on a "new" path--he wants to push me ahead on the road I'm already on. He wants to use the staff that I'm already hanging on to. 

Oh if I could have realized a long time ago that everything that was happening in my life is actually a part of the entire call he has on my life. The way I pictured things looking six years ago looks entirely different than the way they have ended up working out. I have no doubt that the way things will look six to ten years from now will look that much more different yet! 

God is the Creator. He longs to create from within his creation. Just like he desired to use Moses' plain, shepherd's staff to give signs to kings and nations, eat demonic snakes and part entire seas,  God wants to use your "very plain" talents, circumstances and gifts to powerfully move and shake the things around you. 

What's that in your hand?


 

Lemons in the Promised Land.

Jeremiah 2:7,13 "And I brought you into a plentiful land to enjoy its fruits and its good things. But when you came in you defiled my land and made my heritage an abomination...for my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water."

(I just wanted you all to know that I am  writing this blog entry on a new laptop. It's wonderful. No more missing keys or crumbs under the keyboard...)

There is a saying that perhaps a few of us have a heard a number too many times. It's irksome...

 When life gives you lemons, make lemonade out of it.

Pfft. What if I didn't want lemons or lemonade?

So often in life, I seem to find myself at a spot I never expected to be-- whether good or bad. The lemons begin to be tossed at me when I least expect it. It's like when someone throws something at you shouting, "Think fast!" And this girl usually has a poor response time in catching the fruit before it lands bruised at my feet. Then I proceed to stare at it for a good, long time wondering what in the world I might be meant to do with it. 

Though lemons are a sour fruit, don't we often forget exactly that? It's still fruit!

As I read the passage in Jeremiah this morning, I could not help but wonder and awe at the Israelites.  God had brought them to a good and plentiful land...yet it wasn't good enough. They promptly forgot Him and went chasing after other gods, religions, peoples, and rituals...all cheap copies of the real thing.

How could they have??? God promised them an amazingly good land and here they were!  Could they not have stopped and praised and thanked Him for all the good he had brought them to?

When you begin to question the motives of others, make sure you step back and make sure you are not guilty of the same thing... 

We as Christians in this post-New testamental time should not assume we are that different than those who have gone before us. All I can think about right now are all the times, even especially so in the last six months of my life that God has probably led me to a specific spot--even what He would consider a promised land--and I have disregarded it and despised it because it was not exactly what I wanted. Either I do not appreciate what has been given to me or I think I know better, so I proceed to "dig my own cisterns" and "draw water" from my own well.

Essentially: making lemonade when I was meant to use the lemons for a meringue pie...or vice versa.

God told the Israelites that he had led them to a "plentiful land" with fruit and good things! Did they just miss it? What am I missing in this place the God has led me to? What does He mean for me to enjoy here? What good things have I cast aside because I did not realize their value? 

This is what God might have to say when we dig our own cisterns: 

You waste your time and opportunities. You complain about something I haven't given you when I've given you so much else (and more!). You dwell in the future and past instead of the present. You try making things happen on your own timing and strength. You focus on yourself instead of on my goodness. You forget my sovereignty. You forget filling your thirst apart from me and end up more parched than you began.

Oh, Lord, where in this good land that you have me in, have I missed the good wells and fruit you have for me? What have I gone after that has left me more empty than when I began? Because You are good, I know this place is ultimately, also, good. I want to be fully in Your goodness. 

In this place You have specifically led me to, forgive me for regarding these "lemons" with disdain.

 

I'll just toss my crown at Your feet.

Revelation 4:10,11 "...the twenty-four elders fall down before him who is seated on the throne and worship him who lives forever and ever. They cast their crowns before the throne saying, "Worthy are you, our Lord and God to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created." "

I am a female with a tendency towards over-achievement. Let me explain to you what I mean by this:

a. I am a female. I'm a girl (surprise!). I like pretty things (who doesn't?). I like jewelry and diamonds (especially engagement rings). I like lace and dresses. I like gold and silver. I like bling (Yes, I will admit to it).

Secondly...

b. Overachiever. I like to do everything and anything I get in my head to do. But not only that, I want to do it well. I am way too optimistic when it comes to accomplishing everything I think should easily be done. For example: Summer is just around the corner (may as well be here already in Manitoba with sunny skies and temperatures warm enough for me to sit on my deck and write this in a tanktop), and that means...time to do EVERYTHING! Trips across Canada and the US and Europe, being in two wedding parties, going to various concerts, not to mention a week or two of counseling at Bible camp. Oh, did I mention? I'm paying rent and I am planning to be a full-time student in the fall.

Yes. I actually entertained the thought of doing all those things-- with money left over in the bank...Until my friend called wisdom and reason stepped in and told me there was no way that all that was financially plausible. Or, even feasible time-wise.

All that aside for a moment, I was reading through Revelation and read the passage above as I have probably a dozen times before. In church we've sung the song, "We lay our crowns down..." But today, the word cast especially caught my attention. Unlike other times when I've read this, I suddenly pictured these living creatures carelessly tossing their priceless, gifted crowns at Jesus' feet.

So I went to my Greek concordance. :) 

The word cast is from the Greek word ballo which means, to "throw or let go of a thing without caring where it falls...to give over to one's care, being uncertain of the result." So perhaps my visions of crowns being thrown around weren't so far off after all.

Maybe it's just me, but I have a hard time picturing myself carelessly tossing the precious, jewel encrusted, golden crown that was given to me as a gift by a King right back at his very feet. No, I'd probably be afraid to scratch or scuff it, to have a emerald fall out or to appear to have a lack of poise before the king and others in court. These elders however, don't seem to have any qualms about the above list. 

We know from elsewhere in Scripture that we will receive "the crown of righteousness" if we are faithful, righteous and over-comers here in this lifetime. I can imagine that our works and achievements contribute to how our crown looks when we finally gain it in the end. All the good things we've ever done for God...all our big spiritual achievements...all wrapped up in precious stones and metals to crown our heads. And yet, the twenty-four elders did not love their own glory and honor so much that they had to keep it to themselves. Instead, they gave it back to the one who had enabled them with the privilege in the first place.

They gave the glory all back to Jesus. They didn't care if their glory got scuffed or marked up or had a couple gems missing, because it wasn't theirs to begin with. 

I mentioned that I am a female overachiever. I like the nice-looking things I've done and accomplished for God. They make me feel good about myself. I've worked hard for some of those things. Some things have left me very pleased with the end result. But the truth is: it hasn't been Jennifer Laurel's doing at all. The truth is, the only reason I was able to do anything I've done in my lifetime is because God first enabled me. It was His glory that I was reflecting whenever I did something that may have looked good. Because, to be quite brutally honest, I'm not capable of much beyond his infinite help. 

So Lord, I will toss my crown at your feet without caring what happens to it when it falls, or what you will do with it. It was never my work that got me that crown in the first place. Anything good or beautiful about it was all because of you. For by your will you created me, and by your will I existed. 

I bit the hand I begged to feed me.

Isaiah 65:24 "Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear."
2 Thessalonians 3:2b-3a "...For not all have faith. But the Lord is faithful."

I might have a "fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants" personality, but when I sign up for or get into something, I like to know what I am getting myself into. Decision making is a painstaking process for me. I research, I pray (sometimes too much, see blog Prayer Overkill), and I ask for a lot of guidance from godly people and friends. Still yet, there have been many occasions where things I willingly entered into, became something very unlike I would have expected. 

It's my pride, you see. I tend to underestimate what's ahead of me and overestimate my capabilities. 

Once in November 2010 I had a particularly bad day. And I mean bad. It included many tears and a series of unfortunate events (including a small car accident). I got home late that night, and after calling a close friend to cry about everything, I laid in bed and asked God why my life "sucked" so much. Immediately I was reminded of just a few days previous that I had been feeling especially bold in my prayers and asked God to "give me trials" cause I "needed to be tested." After groaning and giving my spiritual self a good kick, I chose to remember that prayers to be tested will always be answered. And usually quite promptly.

These are the prayers that we 100% willingly prayed at the time, but the moment we realize how God is choosing to fulfill them, we complain and harbor offense. We bite the same hand we begged to feed us.

I was reading through my journal today and I came across one of these prayers that I prayed months ago. When I first prayed it, I thought myself incredibly wise and fool-proof to ask the Lord for such a thing. Since that time, he has definitely answered. Very clearly. But when the answer came-- when he did the very thing I asked him to do-- I was almost crushed by it. I was greatly angered by this particular answer from God. Though I knew I had asked for it, I couldn't believe that it hadn't gone my way.

Because, let's face it...Almost every time we ask God for something, we think we know exactly what "should be" --or even will be-- done. And each time we do this, we put ourselves in God's place completely without shame or remorse.

And then today I was reminded of something. Who is God that he would have to heed even our smallest requests at all?

It says in Acts 17:24 that God does not live in a temple made of human hands. Yet, we sometimes expect that we deserve to have God enter in to the completely human temples that we have made by our own prayers, take up residence there and attend to our every whim and wish. I'm not saying every prayer is like this or that we even consciously think this way. I have just realized that my attitude towards the way God has answered certain prayers of mine reflects this subconscious attitude. 

Instead...

Do we not serve a generously loving father who delights to pay attention to our smallest heart cries?  Before a word is off our tongue, he already knows how he will answer. Before we can even imagine what he might do with certain prayer requests, he already knows how he will guide us through it. Before we face the disappointment of an answer that didn't look like the answer we assumed we might get, he already has a plan in place to heal that hurt. He is so faithful! The God of all the universe didn't have to tune into your prayer time-- but he did. Furthermore, he didn't have to do anything about what you asked him, but he did.

Given certain events of my past, there are now times that I tread on the side of caution when I approach my Lord in prayer. However, I think I am learning a different, more important, lesson. Vulnerability. Jesus wants to know my heart. And he will be faithful with what he finds there. And he will be good. And he will be sovereign. Despite my lack of faith when I ask for certain things, he will be faithful to do exactly what needs to be done.

"Do you trust Me with this map?"

(Another blog entry of a different sort. Today I felt the need to look back over some old journals from my final year of high school. Not unlike many graduating students, I was overcome with the huge decisions that were directly before me with the ominously and fast approaching graduation ceremony. What you are about to read is something that I strongly sensed God speaking to me on March 10, 2008 -- almost four years ago to the day! Reading it today, I was so incredibly warmed by God's faithfulness to me in the last years since finishing high school. He is so good. And I can assure everyone of you that allowing him to "hold and direct" the road map of my recent years have been worth every moment! Enjoy, I hope you, also, can be reassured by His words to me. Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.")

Daughter,

I want to take you on the adventure of your life.
I want to take you down roads and highways you've never traveled.

You are just starting your life. Though eighteen years may see/feel like a long time, haha, just wait for the next seventy. :)

You are somewhat new to this whole thing--taking Me seriously, that is. You've just barely made it off the driveway of your journey -- oh, did I forget to mention? I need to drive the car you are going in. So, if you are in the driver's seat at this moment, get out. Move to the passenger side. If you insist on driving, all I can promise is my love and you will have to do without my wisdom or direction. If you are sitting in the passenger seat already, good! Sit back, and enjoy the ride.

This is a long journey if  you have not already figured that out. We will go through many types of weather and scenery. When it's pouring rain or blowing snow --any kind of storm -- it might be a little hard to see, but you have to remember: I've been doing this "God" thing for a long time. You can trust me to drive you to your destination safely.

The rules in this vehicle are simple. Stay inside the car with me, along with my love and protection, and receive the blessings and joy of spending this intimate trip with me.

I realize, however, that you are human, and though I made you clean, there will be times when you will exit the car and wander off the road for a bit. I need you to know it breaks my heart every time. Especially when you wander over to another car and get in with a different driver instead. Come travel with me!

And yet, Daughter, I forgive you always. I eagerly wait for you to return to me, and when you do, my love for you will not have weakened or lessened.

Right now you may be unsure of where this trip is taking you. No worries! I'm right here beside you and I know exactly how to read the map I hold in my hands. Do you trust me with this map? This road-trip? Because, if you do, you will soon be able to read the map too.

All my love,
Abba.

Out of joint.

"For at the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore lift up your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed." Hebrews 12:11-13

I remember, years ago, my younger sister had an injury.

Now, for the life of me, I cannot remember how she managed to do it, or what she was doing when she got the injury, but the outcome was the same -- she had broken her ankle. I remember the complaints about the physiotherapy prescribed, the doctors visits, the infamous garbage bag over her foot and leg when she wanted to shower. Yes, for a young girl not yet quite in her teens, it was an inconvenient and troublesome thing. My dear sister is also quite stubborn (a family trait, I think). All this happened around the same time that she had decided to do the half distance of a cycle-a-thon that a Bible camp we were connected to was running as a fundraiser. My precious father constructed a metal brace for her cast so she could still peddle even in her cast. The dear girl put out an incredible effort. I cannot remember now if she managed to do the whole half distance or not, but her performance for someone with a broken ankle was admirable, regardless.

The delicate thing about this particular handicap, was that the break had occurred right on the growth plate of the bone. The doctors warned that, if it didn't heal properly, there could be a chance that the leg would not grow properly, or she could end up with legs of two different lengths. Now, other than the fact that she considers herself "too short" (which is a lie- she's above average height for both her age and a woman in general), the ankle healed back to normal.

What about when a "break" happens right in the middle of one of our own seasons? When we experience a break in a "personal growth plate"? These breaks are unexpected, unplanned and painful. They seem to occur in the most delicate of places -- those places, that left un-cared for, can cause permanent damage to the growth of our own hearts and minds and spirits.

Isn't it interesting that cleaning and exercising a wounded area is sometimes more painful than the wound itself? I can remember postponing the inevitable alcohol/peroxide swab that would always follow a scrape after playing outside as a child (my mother is a nurse). Oh it burned! Or, in my sisters case, she hated the physiotherapy required to strengthen her damaged ankle. 

We like to forget that not properly caring for a wound or injury can cause much more pain and agony in the long run (like an infected/festering wound or mismatched lengths of leg) than properly dealing with it in the present, however painful it may also be. I have been coming to realize that strength is not pretending a problem doesn't exist, but facing it head on.

Isaiah chapter one was pointed out to me by a friend. She called my attention to the fact that the Israelites were "from the sole of the foot even to the head" covered with "bruises and sores and raw wounds" because they had not allowed God to care for their wounds by pressing them and bandaging them with oil. (Isaiah 1:6) The verse from Hebrews that I started this blog entry with calls the reader to make sure that their lameness isn't "put out of joint" but healed.

How does one do this? Going to Christ and allowing him to minister to our wounds rather than stubbornly trying to fix things on our own or pretending we are stronger is one way. It takes incredible humility to admit weakness and rely on His strength. I am proud by nature, and this is so difficult for me. I like being the strong one. Allowing myself to be weak in the midst of healing is foreign territory for me.

Another way that I don't believe gets enough attention in times of testing: Making sure that our paths are straight. Hebrews 12 says this is the way we make sure we find healing! It's taking an active stance--facing things head on by "lifting up our drooping hands and strengthening our weak knees." It's re-evaluating the road I am currently on and checking to see if there is anything I need to change about the way I am living my current life. It's double-checking with my Savior to see if He is proud of my progress.

Because the truth is, pain, heartbreak, and woundedness can occur at any given moment. Our faith does not protect us from the effects of a sinful world, but instead gives hope within our struggles. Jesus promised we would have trouble in this world, but that trouble does not mean that I can't use it to grow stronger from it. To draw closer to Him in it. To allow him to minister to me in it. To pick myself up off the ground and move forward because of it.

Dear Jesus, I don`t want to stay drooping and weak. I want to move forward. I want you to produce the "fruit of righteousness" in me that will point others to you. If you can use my pain for your good, I give you full permission. You are Good and Sovereign. Amen.